Freezing Cold or Blue Skies?

We have had some very cold weather the past few days in Seattle. We haven’t even come close to the freezing temperatures in the Midwest or the Plains states; but for the Pacific Northwest when we get nights in the teens and days in the 20’s we think of that as pretty cold. Although it’s cold, it’s also incredibly beautiful. The sky is clear, the sun is out and the mountains which surround our city are in their full glory. It’s quite spectacular.

But let’s get back to the cold temperatures. Every night the news spends about 20 minutes of the news hour talking about the cold. There really isn’t much to discuss because there is no snow, there is no wind, and because of the low humidity, there isn’t even any black ice. Yet, the newscasters seem to be able to fill quite a bit of time making sure we all realize how cold it really is and all the possible scenarios which might occur as a result of this cold snap.

I call it fear mongering although I am sure they would just say they were reporting the news. I get tired of the news making big stories out of little ones and creating a sense of fear and impending doom when in reality everything is okay unless you are homeless. Now that is a real issue with these temperatures, but it’s an issue which the news doesn’t really want to tackle. So we are left with the impending fear of a possible chance of snow flurries four days from now.

I've always wondered how much of the fear the newscasters project actually affect viewers; so I decided to conduct a little experiment. The weather is on everyone’s mind, so every time I run into someone I ask them, “How do you like this cold?” Without an exception, everyone complains about the temperature and goes right to, “I hope it doesn’t snow.”

I then respond with one of two replies. With some, I go with their perspective and join them, complaining about how cold it is and what a mess it will be when the snow comes. And then we are off and running, looking at all the bad things that could happen as a result of this weather.

With others, I respond, “It certainly is a little cold, but isn’t it beautiful? It’s great to have sun in Seattle at this time of year and have you seen the mountains? They’re amazing!” This response stops them in their tracks. They actually are stumped for a minute because they already have their next statement of complaint ready to go. Some of the people still stick with their story while others smile and say, “You’re right. It really is pretty."

This is just one silly experiment which obviously has no scientific validity; but I do think it has enough human validity to make us all pause and become more aware of the thoughts and stories that are kicking around in our heads. Do we actually believe these stories or have we bought into the “something’s wrong” mode of thinking that is peddled by the news. Are we making our decisions from what we truly believe or are we letting the newscasters and reporters decide what we think or do?

The choice is always up to us. Is it going to be freezing cold or blue skies?

People deal too much with the negative, with what's wrong...why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom. Thich Nhat Hanh

"Tis the Season" - 3 Tips For Enjoying the Holidays

Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, there is no doubt that the holiday season is in full swing. For some of us, the holidays are a wonderfully joyous time spent with our friends and family. For others, this time of year is filled with great sadness and loneliness. However, for most of us, the holidays fall somewhere between these two extremes. Many of us start the season off with very high hopes and good intentions, only to find that somewhere along the way our hopes get a little deflated and our intentions get a little sidetracked.

Each year as the holidays approach, all sorts of articles appear in magazines and newspapers on "How to Survive the Holidays". Many of the articles are focused on how not to gain weight, how to buy the perfect gift, or how to get along with your in-laws. Although these articles all offer very useful ideas and strategies, I am not sure they actually address the real issues behind why the holidays can be such an emotional rollercoaster ride for us.

I believe there are three things that get into our way of truly enjoying the holiday season. First, we try to do everything for everyone without taking time for ourselves. Second, we try to cram too many events into a short period of time. And third, we lose sight of what the holiday season is all about.

So, here is my version of “How to Survive the Holidays”.

1. Take time for yourself.
Make sure to schedule special time just for you throughout the holiday season. These do not have to be large chunks of time, but they do need to be times that you are alone, doing something that rejuvenates and re-energizes you. It could be a quiet bath, a walk, a massage or going to see a movie – whatever it is that will recharge your battery. I know that it might seem selfish to take time off just for you during such a busy time of the year, but actually it’s being very thoughtful and kind. Just think about how much more pleasant and patient you will be with friends and family when you are not feeling frantic, rushed and exhausted.

2. Schedule Special Things You Want to Do
One of the reasons we get so frantic during the holidays is that we cram too many activities in a short time. All too often we end up saying, “I wish we had done that.” So, this year, make it happen. Sit down with your family and decide on 3 things you really want to do. Make sure that each family member has their voice heard. Try to choose a variety of events and then schedule them to make sure that happen.

3. Give of Yourself
The holidays are about giving, sharing and connecting with people. One of the best ways to rekindle a feeling of connection to people is to give of yourself, and the holidays are full of opportunities to do just that. Find something that really speaks to you and volunteer your time, talent, or treasure. Although it might be easy for you to just write a check to an organization, I suggest doing something that may stretch you a little more in terms of an emotional connection.

Help your local food bank deliver holiday baskets, play Santa Claus at a local children’s hospital, adopt a family, serve a meal at a homeless shelter, or drive an elderly person to church. There are so many opportunities for us to open our hearts and to feel reconnected with people. And it’s when our hearts are open, that we can be touched by the true magic of the season.

The holidays are a special time, and with an extra dose of awareness, intention, and compassion for both ourselves and others, they truly can be an enjoyable time.

The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling will stop or in what far place my touch will be felt. – Frederick Buechner

Why Give Thanks?

Thursday is Thanksgiving, the day traditionally set aside for giving thanks for the bounties of the year’s harvest. The first Thanksgiving was celebrated in 1621. The Pilgrims had survived an especially harsh winter and they honored their survival and their abundant harvest with a three-day celebration of games and feasts, thanking the Indians and the forces of a Higher Power which helped them survive their first winter in America.

Over the years Thanksgiving has transitioned from a day of stopping to give thanks, to a day filled with frenetic holiday shopping and marathon football watching. As with so many of our holidays, some of its original intent has unfortunately been lost.

I’m a Baby Boomer, which means I am old enough to remember when stores were not open on Thanksgiving – when this day was truly a day of hanging out with family. Our family started the day off with a very exuberant game of touch football which was followed by a wonderful and leisurely Thanksgiving dinner where each of us would be asked to share what we were thankful for.

I realize that times change. In fact, my own Thanksgiving looks very different from when I was growing up. Yet, no matter how I am spending the day, I can always hear the voice of my father asking me, “What are you thankful for this year?”

Why do we give thanks? I know this might seem like a silly question, but I realize that my reasons for giving thanks have changed over the years. As a child it was something that I was supposed to do. I was focused on the “what” of being grateful. I could list all the good things that I had received or that had happened to me. As I grew older I began to understand the “why” of giving thanks – the benefits of being grateful.

When we take the time to stop and truly appreciate what we have, a couple of things happen. As we focus on what we are grateful for, we begin to see other things to appreciate and give thanks for. Our focus shifts from seeing problems and roadblocks to seeing openings and opportunities. Our gratitude expands our heart and we feel more connected to people and to the world. Giving thanks allows us to step off our treadmill, even if only for a moment, and realign ourselves with what is truly important to us. It reminds us that everything in this given moment is okay; and that is all we need to know.

I wish you and your family a very happy Thanksgiving; and I hope that wherever you are, you will take a moment to pause and say thanks for all the blessings that you have in your life.

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough. – Meister Eckhart

Practice Makes Perfect - What Are You Perfecting?

Practice makes perfect. How many times have you heard that phrase in your life? From the time we were small children trying to learn how to play the piano, throw a baseball, or ride a bicycle we have heard that if we practice long enough and hard enough we will be successful at achieving our goal.

I remember when I was about 5 years old trying to learn how to stand on my head. I would practice for hours until one day, to the horror of my mother, I mastered the feat while she was shopping in very upscale women’s clothing store. When she came out of the dressing room, there I was in the middle of the store standing on my head with dress hanging down, my legs were straight in the air and my Carter’s underwear in plain sight for everyone to see. Although my mother was less than thrilled at my achievement, I had proven to myself that practice actually does pay off.

My success with standing on my head is an example of very conscious and intentional practicing. It is the kind of practice that we put forth when we want to master a specific skill or behavior. We have a goal, we know what the end point to looks like, and we work hard to achieve that objective.

Yet, each of us has a whole other set of skills and behaviors that we have perfected that we may not be totally aware of. These are habits and actions that, through unconscious repetition, have become ingrained in our way of being. For example, one of my habits is to automatically say “no” to new ideas unless they are mine. It is an automatic response that, until recently, I practiced almost daily without being aware I was doing it.

It’s what I call unconscious practicing. I was repeating, thus practicing, a behavior which was making that behavior stronger; yet, there was no real intention on my part to do this. However, through my continuous practicing I got pretty close to perfecting the “no” response which obviously is a very annoying and useless skill to perfect.

What unconscious habits and behaviors are you perfecting? Do you sabotage yourself by procrastinating? Do you keep yourself overly busy in order to avoid issues in your life? Or do you make a lot of great plans and then come up with a thousand reasons why you can’t do any of them?

We all have thoughts and behaviors that sabotage how we truly would like to live our lives. The key is to become aware of what they are so that we can start putting our energy towards dismantling them, not feeding them. Practice, in of itself, will make anything stronger. So, we have to add the component of conscious awareness to ensure that we are focused on perfecting the things in our lives that we want to perfect, instead of perfecting useless and sabotaging behaviors.

Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty. Anne Herbert

Rx For Courage: Do One Scary Thing a Day

Do you know that you have all the courage inside you that you need to tackle any fear or doubt that you might encounter? I know that some of you are probably shaking your heads right now, thinking, “Not me. I don’t have much courage. I am always getting blindsided by fear.” The truth of the matter is that you do have the courage; but because it hasn’t been used very much, it could be a little flabby.

Courage is like a muscle. To be able to use it effectively we need to exercise it on a regular basis. But most of us don’t think about exercising our courage. We only think about courage when we are faced with a large, anxiety-producing task; and then we get upset with ourselves because we don’t have the courage to overcome the fears and doubts that are associated with accomplishing that task.

So, let’s talk for a moment about how you might go about exercising your courage, building it up so that it will be there ready for you to call upon when needed. Building up your courage is like building up muscles. You need to start slowly.

First, you need to familiarize yourself with your courage. Since many people don’t think they do not have any courage, the first thing to do is to get a frame of reference of what being courageous feels like. One way to do that is to take a moment and remember a time when you felt courageous. It could be something small or something big. It could be recent or something that happened a while ago. Maybe it was when you were a little kid and you finally learned to dive. Maybe it was a difficult conversation or a speech you had to make.

Can you remember what made you decide to do it? How did it feel to step into your courage and power, to follow through on something that was important to you? What made you overcome the fear and just do it? Can you remember?

Now that you have a point of reference, you can use that experience as a motivator as you try new things. You’ve done it once, you know what it feels like and you know you have the ability to do it again.

The next step is to do is to actually tap into your courage. Think of something to do that scares you a little. Choose something small. Maybe it’s making a phone call you’ve put off. Maybe it’s asking a favor of someone. Maybe it’s just saying “hi” to a stranger on the street.

The “what” doesn’t matter. What matters is to choose something that gives your stomach a minor case butterflies or that causes the voices in your head to quietly remind you that this isn’t a good thing to do. And then, do it anyway. Each time you break through the wall of fear and doubt, you build up your courage. Eventually the scales will tip and courage will consistently triumph over fear.

But this all takes time, intention and repetition. So, I invite you for the next 30 days to choose one thing a day that pushes your fear limit. One thing that you think you can’t do, shouldn’t do, or don’t want to do because the voices of fear and doubt are telling you that you are not up to the task. Just one thing a day.

After each task you do, take a moment to think about how it felt to do it, what happened to the voices, how you feel now. With each task you are exercising and building your courage. You are becoming more confident and empowered to live your life the way you want to live it; and not the way the voices of fear and doubt want you to live it.

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin

Is It Time To Jump Into Your Dreams?

I have talked with several people this week who are feeling stuck in their lives. They can describe what it is they want to do, but they can’t seem to take that first step toward making it happen. It seems like the older we get the more difficult it is for us to jump into our dreams. What is it about leaving the safety of our known world that is so hard for us?

As adults, we have spent many years developing a specific set of skills. Whether we are a lawyer, teacher, accountant, or parent, we have worked hard to gain the expertise needed to succeed in the world; and for the most part, we feel safe and secure in what we do. Our world is a known entity and it is comfortable. Yet, sometimes it's actually having too much of this comfort that creates feelings of restlessness and disinterest in us. It is then that we start looking around for something new to do or try.

We create visions of changing jobs, starting a new hobby, pursuing a life-long dream, etc. We become excited and the possibilities seem endless. Then reality sets in. As appealing as embarking on a new adventure might be, the prospect of being a beginner and stepping into uncharted waters without knowing exactly what will happen stops many of us dead in our tracks.

We find ourselves feeling scared and uncertain and we retreat to the safety of our known world. However, we then may begin to feel discouraged or angry at ourselves for not being able to make the leap, and that just compounds our feelings of uncertainty and frustration. We begin to feel boxed in and we don't see any obvious way out.

So, how does one break out of this vicious circle? One way is to get in touch with the feelings of power and invincibility that you had as a child. Go to a playground or park and watch the children play. Notice how they are always trying to do new and harder things. Notice how they dare each other to go higher and faster. The world is totally full of possibilities to them. They see no boundaries and they have little fear.

Think about all the crazy things you did as a child and all the dreams you had for your life. Get reacquainted with that energy. Then ask yourself, "What is really stopping me now? Where is my fear coming from?" Listen carefully to your answers, and take some time to address the issues that come up. Then think about ways to integrate all the energy, enthusiasm, and passion of your little kid with the resources and skills of your successful adult. This incredible combination will allow you to achieve almost anything.

Remember to start your journey with small steps. Often times we jump into the deep end way too soon and our ultimate fears of not succeeding become a reality. Step off the lowest edge first. Allow yourself time to get used to the new experience. Become aware of your feelings, both the joy and excitement and the fear and the uneasiness associated with being in a new space. Use your support system to encourage and inspire you when you are feeling shaky, and make sure they are there to help you celebrate your successes.

With each step you take you will push your edge further out. Your world will become larger and more exciting. You will have new experiences, meet new people, and learn new things about yourself. The world, which at one time had felt so confining, will now be filled with unlimited possibilities of adventure and opportunity. You will have a renewed sense of passion and enthusiasm for your life. You will be living the life you truly want to live. All you need is just need enough faith in yourself and the process to take that first step. You can do it!

Come to the edge. No, we will fall
Come to the edge. No, we will fall.
They came to the edge. He pushed them, and they flew.
Guillaume Apollinaire

Setting Intentions, Getting Results

How many times have you come away from a meeting or a conversation thinking, “That didn’t go very well”? Maybe you didn’t get your point across as well as you would have liked. Maybe you lost your cool and got off track trying to prove your side of the argument. Or maybe you just zoned out and didn’t participate in the discussion at all.

You can go into an interaction with the highest of hopes; but unless you set specific intentions about how you are going to interact and what specific goals you want to achieve, chances are the outcome will not be all that satisfactory.

What does it mean to set an intention? The first thing to understand about intentions is that they are about you, not the other person. We only have control over ourselves, so our intentions need to be about how we want to act, about what we want to say and about how we want to feel at the end of the interaction.

Here are some sample intentions you might set before going into a meeting with a difficult person:

• I will state my point clearly using “I” statements and not get sidetracked by any emotions that may arise.


• I will listen to the other person carefully to hear what they are truly saying, not what I think they will say.


• When I feel myself losing my focus, I will take 3 deep breaths to calm and re-center me.


• After the meeting I will ask myself what I learned about me from this interaction.

Setting intentions does not guarantee success, but the process of clarifying what you want to get out of the situation greatly improves your changes of a positive interaction. It also empowers you. You are no longer reacting to the situation. You are now proactively responding from a place of confidence.

You are better able to articulate what you want to say because you have let go of your expectations of the other people involved; and you are better at listening and hearing what they have to say because you not spending time planning your next defensive move. You are no longer there to defend yourself. You are now there to be yourself.

Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is. Mary Anne Radmacher

Where is Your Focus?

The Tale of Two Cities

A man was walking down a long and dusty road. He had been travelling for days.
He came across an old women sitting near the side of the road just outside of an upcoming town.
He asked her "What is the city ahead like? Are the people there nice?"

The old women asked "What was it like where you came from?"
He said "It was beautiful and clean and the people were great"
"So shall you find the city ahead." the old woman responded.
Happily the traveler went along.

A while later another lone traveler on the same road approached the same woman and asked her, "What is the city ahead like? Are the people there nice?"
The old women asked "What was it like where you came from?"
"It was despicable, dirty and ugly and the people where horrid!" exclaimed the traveler.
"So shall you find the city ahead." the old woman responded

Author Unknown

Do you ever wonder why 2 people can have such different perspectives about the same situation? What makes one person see all the good and positive, while the other person only seems to be able focus on the negative and the bad? What causes this difference?

Zen teacher, Cheri Huber has a wonderful saying that goes, “The quality of your life is determined by the focus of your attention.

That means if we focus our attention on all the things that are wrong, then that is all we are going to see; and we will come to believe that world as a bad, dangerous and ugly place in which to live. Once we have that belief we will continue to find bad things to validate our story.

On the other hand, if we focus our attention on the good things, the things that are working, our perspective of the world will be entirely different. We will see it as a friendly and beautiful place and we will focus our attention on finding more good and beautiful things to validate our belief.

Where do you want to focus your attention?

Man is what he believes. - Anton Checkov

What If Someday Never Comes?

Is there a project you are going to do, a trip you are going to take, a book you are going to write or a class you are going to take, Someday? When exactly is Someday? It’s not a day that appears on any calendar I know of, so, how are you going to know when Someday is actually here?

It can be very easy to put off the things you want to do until some undetermined time in the future. Maybe you are waiting until you have more time, more money or more energy. Maybe you think there will actually come a time when your life will be less hectic and you will have the time and space to do all those fun things you have been wanting to do. But what happens if that time never comes? What then?

Maybe there is a different way to approach all this. Maybe it’s okay to take a little time for yourself and to do something that inspires you, gives you joy or makes you laugh. Maybe you don’t have to put off your dreams until Someday. Today or tomorrow could be the perfect day to start that new project or to sign up for that new class.

We waste a lot of our life waiting for the right time, when the only time we know we have for sure is this moment. Don’t squander the time you have for a time which may never come. If there is something you want to do, do it. Life is way too short to not live every moment to it's fullest.

Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Goethe

If A Dog Were Your Teacher

I am sitting at my desk with our two dogs sleeping at my feet. As I ponder what my next blog post should be about, I remember a poem I read a while ago that seems very approproate and I would love to share it with you.

If A Dog Were Your Teacher

If a dog were your teacher
These are some of the lessons you might learn...

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face
to be pure ecstasy

When it's in your best interest
practice obedience
Let others know when they've invaded your territory
Take naps and stretch before rising
Run romp and play daily

Thrive on attention and let people touch you
Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do
On warm days stop to lie on your back on the grass
On hot days drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree
When you're happy dance around and wag your entire body

No matter how often you're scolded
don't buy into the guilt thing and pout
run right back and make friends

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm
Stop when you have had enough
Be loyal
Never pretend to be something you're not

If what you want lies buried
dig until you find it
When someone is having a bad day
be silent .....
...sit close by.
...and nuzzle them gently.

Author Unknown

A dog wags its tail with its heart. - Martin Buxham

To-Do Lists: Help or Hindrance?

In a world of high expectations and intense multi-tasking, people are constantly seeking better ways to organize their day so they can get done the tasks they need to do in a somewhat orderly fashion.

To-do lists seem to be the organizational tool of choice. But in working with clients, it has become very clear that to-do lists can be double-edged swords. For some people they can be a life saver, while for others these lists actually end up causing more stress than they relieve.

The purpose of to-do lists is to organize our day and ensure we accomplish the tasks we need or want to get done. This list can be kept on a tablet, post-its, white board, or on a computer. Tasks can be prioritized if the list is long. When a task has been accomplished, we check it off and move on to the next one.

At the beginning of the day, we make list of all the tasks we want to do: and theoretically, by the end of the day, our list has disappeared and we are ready to start the next day with a new list. We feel good and leave work with a clear conscious, thus being able to fully enjoy the rest of our evening.

This is the best-case scenario. However, what is likely to happen is that we don't get all our tasks accomplished. We then find ourselves adding things to our list without removing any so our list gets longer and longer. And as it grows, the probability of us actually accomplishing all the tasks on it dramatically decreases.

We become stressed not only about the number of items still left, but also at the fact that we can't clear the list. We begin to criticize ourselves for not being more efficient or more organized. We begin to expend more energy worrying about the list itself than actually working towards accomplishing the tasks.

So, what happened? How did a simple organizational tool turn into a monster that is controlling our life? I think the answer is that we forget to-do lists are just that – simple organizational tools. They are not silver bullets.

Just because we make a list does not mean that the tasks will automatically be completed. Even if we use one of those very fancy tools offered on the Internet with all the bells and whistles, we still are the ones who have to do the work. It is up to us to need to find a way to
make our list work for our particular needs.

If you are one of the many who is struggling with your to-do list, the following questions will help you reframe and restructure how you work with to-do lists.

1. Where do you keep your to-do list? Is it in a place that is visible, so that you can constantly refer to it, or is it is a drawer, notebook, or computer program that rarely gets utilized?

2. How often do you check it? How often do you edit it and re-prioritize the items? It works best to review your list once a day.

3. How long is it? We can be led to believe that the longer our list, the more important or successful we are because we have all these things to do. Yet, in reality, the longer the list, the more likely it is that very little is being accomplished and we are not achieving what we want.

4. What kinds of tasks do you put on your list? Many times we clutter our list with non-essential items, thus detracting from the more important tasks.

5. Where does your list distract you? It is easy to get caught up in the making, thinking about and organizing of our lists, when we should be spending our time working on the items on the list.

6. Finally, ask yourself if a to-do list the right organizational took for you. After all is said and done, it is important that you feel comfortable working from a list. Not everyone does; and to work with a tool that doesn't fit your personality and work style will only create stress for you. There are certainly other methods of organizing your work. Ask your friends and colleagues what they do and you may find a much more effective approach for you.

Remember: to-do lists are supposed to simplify, not complicate your life!

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday. Napoleon Hill

What "I'll Try" Really Means

How many times during a day do you hear yourself saying, “I’ll try to get that done”, I’ll try to be there”, I’ll try to make the time” or some variation of the “I’ll try” statement. What are we really saying when we use the term, "I’ll try”?

One thing we’re saying is that we really don’t want to do whatever it is that we responded to. If we truly wanted to do it, we would say, "I will be there". If we wanted to do it, but were unable for whatever reason, we would say, “I would love to, but I can’t." By responding, “I’ll try”, we lessen the importance of both the event and our participation in it.

The second thing we’re saying is that we don’t believe we have the capability to do it; and we don' think we have the courage to truly step into whatever the project/issue is. So, we take the easy way out and respond with a statement that has very little, if any, conviction: “I’ll try.” It’s a statement that keeps us stuck in our story of not being good enough, smart enough or strong enough to successfully achieve the task.

The third thing we're saying is that we don't even hear the ambivalence in our response because we have gotten so used to answering with a middle of the road response. We don’t realize that by replying with “I’ll try” instead of a "yes" or a "no", we are giving up our power. We are allowing other people and other circumstances carry us along to an endpoint that we may or may not like.

The language we use on a daily basis is a mirror of how we see ourselves and what we believe about ourselves. Phrases such as “I can’t”, “I should”, and “I’ll try” convey a very different message than the phrases, “I will”, “I want”, and “I can”. When we start to exchange weak language for stronger, more empowered language, our confidence grows and we begin to live our lives from a very intentional and courageous place. And it is from this place where we will find happiness, joy and success.

I invite you to start observing your language and see if the actual words you are using convey the message and/or the emotion you want. If not, try substituting stronger, more intentional words and see what happens. I think you will be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Change your language, change your thoughts. - Karl Albrecht

A Lesson from Nature

The dogs and I have just come back from our daily walk down to Lake Washington. Although it was a very summer-like afternoon, fall is officially here and I noticed that some of the trees were beginning to show their fall colors, and others were already beginning to lose their leaves.

I always feel a little sad when I see the first leaves of autumn fall, because I love summer and hate to see it end. But watching the leaves drop to the ground reminds me just how important the process of letting go is for renewal and rejuvenation.

Trees let go of their leaves so that they can make room for new leaves in the spring. The fallen leaves provide nourishment for the grasses and plants in the surrounding ground. If the trees refused to let go of their leaves, this cycle of life would be broken. The trees would become overloaded and would slowly die, as the space on its branches for new life would disappear.

There is a lesson in this cycle of nature for each of us. What do we need to let go of in our life in order to allow new growth to take place? The answer to that question may be found in several different areas of our lives. First, we can look at the material things we no longer need. We can clean out our closets and take the clothes and other items we no longer use to places like the Goodwill or Salvation Army so that they can passed on to people who truly need them.

Secondly, we can take a look at the activities we are involved in - boards, committees, sports teams, etc. Which of these no longer interests us? If we are just taking up space, it is time to leave and open up an opportunity for someone who has the passion, energy, and commitment to really contribute to the activity.

And thirdly, we need to look at the beliefs and memories we are holding on to that are holding us back in our lives. It is easy to become laden down with outdated thoughts and beliefs; but if we allow that to happen, we will end up just like the tree who won’t give up its leaves. We will become overburdened and lifeless, because will be no space for new growth.

Nature uses the seasons of fall and winter to let go of the old and unnecessary, and to rest and get ready for the budding of new life which comes with each spring. It is a cycle that works well. Maybe it would benefit us to follow nature’s example, and make sure that we, too, use this time as a period of reflection, release and renewal.

Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn. - Elizabeth Lawrence

The Touchstone

The following story is a great reminder for all of us to slow down and pay more attention to life, so that we can recognize and take advantage of opportunities as they cross our path.

===================================

When the great library of Alexandria burned, the story goes, one book was saved. But it was not a valuable book; and so a poor man, who could read a little, bought it for coppers.

The book wasn’t very interesting; but between its pages there was something very interesting indeed. It was a thin strip of vellum on which was written the secret of the “Touchstone.”

The touchstone was a small pebble that could turn any common metal into pure gold. The writing explained that it was lying among the thousands and thousands of other pebbles that looked exactly the same. But the secret was this: The real stone would feel warm, while the ordinary pebbles would be cold.

So the man sold his few belongings, bought some simple supplies, camped on the seashore and began testing pebbles.

He knew that if he picked up ordinary pebbles and threw them down again because they were cold, he might pick up the same pebble hundreds of times. So, when he felt a pebble that was cold, he threw it into the sea. He spent a whole day doing this but none of the pebbles he picked up was the touchstone. Cold, throw it into the sea. Pick up another, throw it into the sea.

The days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months. However, one day about mid-afternoon the man picked up a pebble and it was warm. But he threw it into the sea before he realized what he had done. He had formed such a strong habit of throwing each pebble into the sea that when the one he wanted came along, he still threw it away.

So it is with opportunity. Unless we are vigilant, it’s easy to fail to recognize an opportunity when it is in our hand and it’s just as easy to throw it away.

Author Unknown
Bits & Pieces
Economic Press

Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open. Alexander Graham Bell

How To Market, But Not Overwhelm

I am writing this blog because I would love you input on the following issue.

As some of you know, I am in the process of rebranding my coaching business, re-doing my web site and getting my book, Gentle Warrior, Awakening the Courage to Live a Bold and Brilliant Life, published. It has been a busy summer of working, learning and tapping into my own courage when everything gets a little too overwhelming.

One of the things I did to help me with rebranding my business was to join a Master Mind coaching group led by a very well respected and successful business coach. This is a six month class which covers everything from building your client list, to effective social media marketing, to how to run a teleclass, to creating products such as videos and e-books. The information and support I am receiving from this class is incredible. I have learned so much already and we have only been meeting for 3 months!

However, as I get more and more into marketing my coaching business, something becomes more and more apparent to me. In this fast-paced world of multi-media marketing, it is very easy to lose one's focus, to blend in with the thousands of other people out there also trying to market their services.

Everyone has something to sell that will make your life easier, make you more money, make your business grow or make you an instant success in your chosen field. And with access to social media entities such as Facebook and Twitter, anyone can market anything. As a result, we are inundated with too much information. I know I am tired of getting announcements of free classes I must take, videos that I must see and articles that I must read.

So as a marketer of a business, my dilemma becomes: “How do I market my services in a manner that captures the interest of my target audience, while respecting their time and allowing me to feel good about the information and invitations I am putting out"?

I would like to know how you feel about all this and I would sincerely love your feedback on the following questions.

1. Do you feel overwhelmed by the amount of marketing e-mails, Facebook entries or Tweets that you receive? What is “too much” to you?

2. What kinds of announcements, newsletters, informational e-mails do you enjoy the most?

3. What do you feel to be the most effective kind of marketing?

4. If you had one suggestion for people marketing their services, what would it be?

5. Any other thoughts?

Thank you for your help with this.

I learn by going where I have to go. - Theodore Roethke

Overwhelm: Just Another Form of Resistance

A few days ago I hit a wall. I was working on putting the finishing touches on my new web site. I was in the middle of creating a new teleclass and developing an introductory teleseminar for the class. I was working with my publisher to okay the final edits of my book so it can be printed and I was working on some marketing homework that my coach had assigned me.

All these things were interconnected and I want them all completed before I was the guest speaker on Simply Celebrate’s teleseminar next Thursday. (I would love to have you join us at: SimplyCelebrate). There was so much to do and everything needed to be done at the same time, so I found myself doing a little on each piece and not completing anything. I felt totally overwhelmed.

As I sat staring at my computer screen feeling completely frozen in indecision, I remembered a mentor of mine telling me that feeling overwhelmed was just another form of resistance. Our bodies are systems and systems don’t like change. So, when we’re moving fast, doing lots of things, our bodies try to slow us down by sending out little sensations that we interpret as overwhelm.

All of sudden our minds don’t seem to work quite as well. We don’t feel as organized as we did when we started the project. We begin to think that maybe this isn’t such a good idea and that maybe it would be wiser just to abort the mission. And many times that is exactly what we do when we reach this point. We give up. I know there was a big part of me who was ready to call it quits.

But luckily the rational part of my brain kicked in before I could make any rash decisions. And, when I was able to step out of my panic mode and look more objectively at where I was and what I was trying to accomplish, my feelings of being overwhelmed made perfect sense. Look at all the cool things I was working on. Of course I was going to feel resistance – I was changing my professional brand, my web site, my coaching services and I had a new book coming out. My system was being turned upside down!

So, what I needed to do was to find a way to get these things done in a way that was more congruent with my style and that didn’t upset my equilibrium quite as much. As I thought about it, I realized that trying to do a little bit on each piece of the puzzle didn’t work for me. I had to complete one thing and then move onto the next, trusting that eventually everything would get done.

And that’s what I did. I made a comprehensive list of all the tasks I needed to complete and systematically started checking them off. After I finished each task, I would take a break, hit my Easy Button which would enthusiastically say, “That was easy! and then give myself a pat on the back.

I still am working on some tasks and it may take a little longer than expected to pull everything together; but it will get done and more importantly I am, once again, enjoying the journey along the way.

The next time you feel overwhelmed, take some time and figure out where you’re getting hooked, what the resistance is about and what you need to do work around it. There are so many wonderful things out there to do and see. Don’t let the feeling of being overwhelmed get in your way.


If you want to do something you will find a way. If you don’t, you will find an excuse. - Anon

Be The Change You Want To See

The following words are said to be written on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in the crypts of Westminster Abbey in London, England. They are a great reminder to all of us that the only person we need work on changing is ourselves. If we become the kind, compassionate and contributing human being we are seeking in others, the world will automatically be a better place.


“When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.

But, it too, seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.

And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family.

From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.“


Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. – Thomas Kempis

A Brand New Notebook

It’s “back to school” time which means the end of summer, but it also means the beginning of a brand new year. Remember what it used to be like getting ready for school? You’d go out and buy new clothes and then spend hours deciding what outfit to wear on that first day. You would worry about what teacher you would get, and whether or not you and your best friend would have the same classes.

You also would start the year out with brand new notebook filled with clean white notebook paper just waiting to be filled up with new facts and ideas and secret notes from your friends. Your pencils were sharpened and your colored pens were ready to draw. The upcoming year was full of potential and you could hardly wait to see how it unfolded.

Unfortunately, as we grow older much of that enthusiasm and anticipation of a new beginning starts to fade. Although fall still represents a new year for many of us, we no longer get the chance to go through the ritual of “getting ready for school”. We may buy new clothes for fall, but we don’t think about buying a new notebook.

We are content to carry around our old worn-out binder; even though the pages are pretty much filled up, and there really is no space left for any new ideas or experiences. As adults, our lives get much busier and it becomes more and more difficult for us to carve out time for new learning. As a result, many of us find ourselves feeling less excited and less focused in our lives. We begin to lose our sense of purpose and direction.

So, this year I invite you to buy a new notebook and begin to dream again. Once you have purchased your notebook, take some time before writing in it to sit with its clean pages and remember what it was like to be young and to be filled with a continuous stream of ideas and dreams. Now staying in your youthful mindset, think of a dream or goal you would like to achieve during this next school year.

This should not be a “to do” kind of goal. This needs to be something that engenders great passion and excitement when you think about it. It should make you smile, or your heart beat faster, or even your palms sweat a little because it is coming from the part of you that is open and courageous. There are no “should’s” attached to this goal. This is something that makes you feel young and energized, and something that will stretch your abilities and learning curve.

Write your goal down in your journal. Notice how it feels to see it in writing. Think about what it will feel like to achieve this goal. Write about being successful. Draw pictures of your success. Develop an action plan including a list of people and structures that will support you along the way. Allow yourself to ask for help.

When negative thoughts or self doubts start to emerge, go back and look of your drawings of success. Laugh and enjoy the journey. When you reach your goal, celebrate your achievement and honor all that you have learned from the experience. Then retire your notebook to a special place on your bookshelf, and begin again with a new book, its clean pages just waiting for your next dream.

A mind that is stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions. Oliver Wendell Holmes

Your Life, Your Decisions

The decisions we make create the life we live; yet when we make decisions, we often default to what we see as the wants and needs of other people. We do not want the choice we make to disappoint or hurt someone we care about.

What if you want something that your friends or family believe is not in your best interest? Let’s say you’re in a relationship that is no longer working, but your family loves your partner and can’t understand why you want to get a divorce. Or what if you have the opportunity to join a group of people starting a new, exciting business, but your friends think you’re nuts to leave your corporate job?

It can be extremely difficult to make a decision which goes against the beliefs and wants of people in your life. However, in the end, you need to know that your life is yours alone to live. You are the only one who truly knows what feels right to you, what amount of risk you are comfortable taking, and what kinds of ideas and adventures spark the passion and excitement you are looking for.

Your responsibility is not to live your life to please other people, for pleasing everyone is impossible. Your responsibility is to live your life in such a way as to bring you the success, joy and fulfillment you need to be a compassionate, caring and contributing human being.

One of the ways to make sure that happens is to focus on making decisions that fit for you. This doesn’t mean you can’t get input from your friends and family; but it does mean developing the ability to sort out their agendas from your own needs and wants. You are the one who will live the consequences of your actions, so you need to be the one in control of the decisions you make. Once again, it’s about not giving away your power. You want to succeed or stumble on your own merits and not because you are trying to please someone else or meet someone else’s needs.

All decisions of consequence involve risk. Without taking risks, we cannot grow and learn. Without taking risks our life grows stagnant and withers. And the irony of all this is that not taking risks is no more secure than taking risks, for our life circumstances can change in an instant without any action on our part. We can get sick, we can be in an accident, or we can become a victim of downsizing and lose our job. There are no guarantees in this life; therefore, what do we really gain by playing it safe?

To be truly successful, happy, and fulfilled in this life takes a lot of work and a lot of courage. Every day we are faced with situations which force us to choose between stepping out and living our lives boldly or playing it safe by withdrawing from life and living our lives in perceived safety. The choice is ours with every decision we make. Which path do you want to take?

Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

EarthStewards

I just came across a wonderful web site that I wanted to share with you. I am always looking for groups and organizations that are working to make this world a better place by empowering individuals and challenging each of us to step out and do something that will benefit both us and the world. EarthStewards seems to do exactly that.

As their mission states:
EarthStewards is a worldwide multicultural network dedicated to inspiring and empowering ordinary people to stretch, grow and learn. We take bold action for conflict transformation and the creation of positive relationships bridging boundaries of gender, race, culture, nations, age and beliefs.

I encourage you to check out them out and while you’re there, print out the “Say YES pledge. (See below.) It’s a great reminder of the power of saying YES in our lives and how that power can ripple out and touch so many lives.

Say YES

I say YES to my life.
I say YES to love.
I say YES to a one-world family.
I say YES to a planet at peace.
I say YES to all the children everywhere.
I say YES to us.
I want my next act to increase the YES in the world.

EarthStewards

One must care about a world one will never see. – Bertrand Russell

Making Different Choices

There is an old saying that goes: “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you will keep getting what you’ve always gotten.” So, if your life is going really well and you are happy with the results you are achieving, then you are on the right track for continued success and happiness.

However, if your life isn’t exactly the way you would like it, if there are parts of your personal or professional life that could stand some change, a little improvement or a total makeover, then it’s time to look at the choices you are making. Each choice we make, whether it is large or small, determines the path of our lives; yet most of us go through our day making choices out of habit or without thinking, and then wonder why our lives are still stuck in the same old rut. We don’t see the connection between our choices, our actions and the end result which is our life.

I have just finished reading the book, “The Right Questions – Ten Essential Questions to Guide You to an Extraordinary Life” written by Debbie Ford, and I highly recommend it. Ford’s premise is a simple one: If we want to create the life we truly desire then we need to make new choices: choices that will lead us to, not away from, our desired outcome.

Ford creates a simple road map to help us determine whether or not the choices we are making are moving us forward toward their goals. The roadmap consists of 10 questions that are designed to reveal what is actually motivating our actions. When our actions are motivated by our best interests, they will move us forward; but our actions come from a place of fear, doubt or guilt they will keep our lives stuck.

Here are some of the questions:
1. Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?
2. Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
3. Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?
4. Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?

I have Ford's ten questions posted on the bulletin board above my desk so that I am constantly reminded as I go through my day to make choices that will empower me and help me grow. It’s so easy to make decisions out of habit or fear, but when we do that we are keeping ourselves small and robbing ourselves of so much opportunity. We are not on this earth to live small and ineffectual lives. We are here to live bold, courageous and brilliant lives and these questions can help make that happen.

"If one asks for success and prepares for failure, he will get the situation he has prepared for." Florence Scovel Shinn

Building Your Courage to Overcome Fear

Recently I was talking with a client about the concept of courage. She was pretty adamant that she didn't possess much courage because there were so many times during the course of her week that she found herself feeling incompetent or incapable of successfully completing her projects and tasks at work.

Now I have worked with this woman for a while and I know she is an incredibly talented women and very successful in her business. She is constantly pushing herself to develop new ideas and try new things. So, I found it very surprising that she did not see herself as being courageous.

As we talked further I realized a couple of things. First, it can be difficult to see yourself as being courageous; for we mostly do what it is we have to do and then move on to the next project without taking time to fully appreciate what we have accomplishedand the courage it took to get us there.

And secondly, most of us think of courage in terms of what I call "heroic courage", the kind of courage exhibited by fireman rescuing people from burning buildings or people in the military fighting wars. We don't think about the other kind of courage, the "quiet courage' that lives inside each of us - the courage we can always call upon when we get stuck or blindsided by fear.

Courage isn't a mystical force that only belongs to a special few. Courage is defined as the ability to keep moving forward in spite of all the fears and doubts that might arise along the way. Courage comes from the rational and intellectual part of your brain and it has the ability dismantle the stories and beliefs that your emotional part of the brain has created to keep you stuck. Courage gives you the power to break down your fears and doubts one step at a time; and with every fragment of fear you break down, your courage increases.

However, many of us have lost touch with this amazing power. We have listened so long to the voices telling us that we are not smart enough, good enough or deserving enough to achieve what we want, that we have integrated these stories as the truth. So, when we step out of our comfort zone and try something new, we interpret the fear we feel as proof that we can't do it, that we can't reach our goals. We start to feel overwhelmed and retreat to the safety of our comfort zone feeling incompetent and dejected.

But you don't have to take that road. There is a way to face the fear inherent in any change, and still keep moving forward. The key lies in being able to tap into the quiet courage that resides deep inside of you and use its power to overcome our fear and successfully achieve your goal.

Reconnecting and strengthening your courage takes time, especially when you are used to reacting to the voices of fear instead proactively enlisting the power of your courage. And, just as you do when you build up your muscles, you need to start slowly and be consistent in your training. The following exercise is a great starting point.

EXERCISE: Building Your Courage

Step One
Think of something that you want to do but haven't because of fear/doubt. You might want to start with something small.

Step Two
Write down all the fears/doubts that come up when you think about tackling this project. Be specific.

Step Three
Now prioritize your list of fears from the least scary to the most scary and starting with the #1 - the least scary - ask yourself: By itself, is this fear still a fear? If not, you can move on to the next. If it is still
a fear, then ask yourself:

1. What am I afraid of? Be as specific as you can.

2. What do I need to do to overcome this fear? Options could be: Information, resources, talking with a friend or just jumping in and doing it. As you work through this step, notice the sensations in your body and remind yourself that they are just sensations and by themselves they have no meaning.

Also, notice what the voices are telling you. If you start to lose your confidence, take a moment to sit quietly and get back in touch with the rational and courageous part ofyou. Ask for support. Work with a friend, coach or counselor. Write yourself little pep notes - do whatever it takes to stay centered in your courage as you work through this fear.

3. Continue through your list, viewing each of these fears from the rational part of your brain. Remember the courageous part of you knows you are perfectly capable of making this happen and will give you the support and strength to make it happen. As you work through your list notice how much easier it becomes to draw upon your courage and how less often you will get tripped up by the stories of your fear.

There will be bumps in the road. There will be days that you might falter, when things seem a little too hard, when you think you won't be successful. Don't let these minor set backs change your course of action. You have what it takes to be successful in achieving your goals and once you realize it, fear will have very little power over you.

What is courage but having faith instead of fear? Michael J. Fox

How To Feel Settled in an Unsettled World

One of the main themes among my clients these days is the sense of unsettledness. Some of them have lost their jobs and are in the process of finding a new career path. Some have been thinking about retiring; however with the current economic situation they are now rethinking and redesigning their timeline. Others have no immediate crisis, but have absorbed much of the fear and uncertainty that is so pervasive.

There is no doubt that these are unsettling times. Every time we turn on the TV, pick up a newspaper or look on the Internet we are bombarded with some sort of bad news. People are fearful and that fear is contagious. It’s similar to a flu epidemic; if you come into contact with a fearful and panicky person, it’s hard not to catch their hysteria. So, what’s fueling all these feelings of uneasiness?

When life throws us a curve, our illusion of being in control is challenged. As long as things are going along the way we want them to, we believe that we are in control and that is why things are so good. But when our life hits an unexpected snag, we think we’ve lost that control and that scares us. We do not like feeling out of control; and therefore, it is easy to spiral into panic mode.

In reality, control is just an illusion. We are never really in control. Life does what life does. Our job is to first understand, that in spite of our best efforts and intentions, bad things will happen. Next we need to become proactive and create a framework or process by which we can lessen the impact that life’s unexpected twists and turns can have on us.

The following questions will provide you a starting place to begin creating this framework.

1. What is the actual issue that is causing you to feel unsettled? Take some time with this question to make sure that you get to the true root of your uneasiness. Is it the actual loss of your job, the anticipation of losing your job, financial worries, concerns about what other people might be thinking, generalized anxiety, etc.?

2. Once you figure out the key issue, make a list of what you need in terms of information, resources, support, etc., to lessen your fear. Do you need to meet with a financial advisor? Do you need to hang out with more positive and upbeat friends? Do you need to work with a professional counselor or coach? Do you need to just turn off the TV and quit reading the newspaper?

3. When you have this list, create a mini-action plan for each item. Who do you need to talk with? What specific information or resources do you need? Where can you get it? Make a specific timeline for each step.

4. Then create a plan of support for yourself. How are you going to take care of yourself during this difficult time? What can you do to relax? Who can you ask to be part of your support team? Be careful in choosing your team. You want people who won’t feed into the hysteria and who are able to understand your needs and provide the kind of support you want.

5. Post your plans in a place where you will see them daily. This is important not only because it will remind you to take action, but also because it will remind you that you don’t have to accept feeling fearful and unsettled - that there are steps you can take to guard against this epidemic of panic. Taking positive action steps is the best antidote to feeling out of control.

You may not have control over what life dishes out, but you do have control over how you choose to react to it. You have the power to decide whether you want to take the passive, helpless approach and get caught up in the hysteria; or whether you want to take a more proactive and courageous approach and create a plan of action that will empower you, keep you moving forward and greatly decrease your feelings of fear and unsettledness. The choice is yours.

To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another. Katherine Paterson

"That Was Easy"

Recently I joined a Master Mind coaching group. I’m in the process of rebranding myself and growing my business and it’s really helpful to have the extra support of successful and motivated coaches, in addition to the wealth of knowledge and resources that we all share. We’re three weeks into the 6 month group and I am amazed at how much I have learned already, especially around how to effectively use social media products such Twitter and Facebook.

But without a doubt the most fun thing I have gotten from the group was the idea of buying an Easy Button. During our initial session the leader made a reference to Easy Buttons. At first I didn’t quite understand why we were discussing Easy Buttons in a group about growing our coaching businesses. To me, Easy Buttons were just things I saw on Staples advertising. I didn’t realize that when you push it, it actually says, “That was easy.”

However, just for the fun of it I went out and bought one and it’s now sitting on my desk. Every time I complete a task that was harder than usual or make a phone call that I had been putting off, I press the button and get the message, “That was easy”, which in reality is very true.

Just having the button on my desk is a great reminder that I am the one who is making up the stories about how hard, painful or unpleasant a task is going to be; while the truth is it’s just another thing that needs to get done. When I push the button and hear this rather upbeat voice telling me “That was easy” it makes me smile and gives me the courage and motivation to keep trucking on and complete the day’s tasks.

I highly recommend getting an Easy Button for your desk, especially if you are someone who avoids doing tasks or carries the same “to-do” item from list to list. Sure it’s a gimmick, but it’s a good gimmick and what's wrong with a little gimmick if it helps us be successful?


“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” Vincent Van Gogh

Heat Wave - Lesson in Acceptance

We are in the middle of an incredible heat wave in Seattle. Yesterday we shattered our all-time high of 100 degrees with a reading of 103. Those of you who live in climates where 103 is not a big deal may be wondering why I am bothering to write about all this. But you have to understand, Seattleites are used to a temperate marine climate. We don’t do snow in the winter and we don’t do heat waves in the summer.

As I observe myself, my neighbors and people I meet during the day, one thing becomes very obvious – we are not very good with just accepting the weather as it is. We rush to the store to buy as many fans and air conditioners as possible without thinking that maybe if we just bought one or two that would leave more for other people. We consistently focus on every degree the thermometer rises and then ramp up our complaining to match the rise in temperature. We have an insistent need to be comfortable at any expense which I believe relates directly to the need for instant gratification. We don’t like what we can’t fix or change and the weather is something that even the most brilliant of people can’t control.

There is a Zen saying which goes: When it is cold we shiver and when it is hot we sweat. I have been thinking a lot about that saying this week. I work out of our house and we don’t have air conditioning – just one little fan which is blowing on me as I write. I started the week thinking that I wouldn’t be able to get much work done because it was so hot – yet I soon realized that this was just a story. There was no reason I couldn’t work; and in fact, I have had a very productive week even though I have been very hot and have been sweating profusely! But every now and then I go outside and douse myself with the hose. It’s kind of fun. I feel like a kid having a summer time adventure.

There is no doubt that I will be glad when this heat wave breaks and we get back to a more typical Seattle summer. But as with all bumps in the road, this has been a great opportunity to watch what stories come up about I can and cannot do when things are not exactly the way I want them and then to observe whether I challenge these voices and stories or blindly follow their word as the truth.

The mind is everything. What you think, you become. Buddha

And Then....

I read this story a long time ago and just came across it again a few days ago. It’s a wonderfully ironic example of how hard we think we need to work to ensure that we end up with a simple and relaxing life. I hope you enjoy it.

AND THEN....
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after! that?"

"Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" said the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why. – Eddie Cantor

The Rewards of Staying the Course

I have just come back from an incredible vacation in Alaska. Alaska is an amazing place. There is a different feeling there than I have experienced in any other state I have visited; and the nickname, “The Last Frontier” seems incredibly appropriate.

We did a lot of hiking while we were there and I noticed a vague sense of apprehension as we were trekking along the trails. We were in bear country, but I have been in bear country before and hadn’t really been that bothered by it. Somehow the vastness of where we were made me feel particularly isolated and vulnerable, even though there were other people on the trails.

It was an interesting experience and there were times when I had to quiet those voices in my head telling me that this was too dangerous and that we should turn back. I had to tell myself that here I was in Alaska, this amazing place and it would be just plain stupid not to take advantage of this time to see and experience everything I could.

In many respects, the hiking we did was a great metaphor for our lives. I bet you can think of times when you started out to do something you really wanted to do only to get sidetracked by the voices of fear and doubt. Life can be scary at times; but if we can muster up the courage to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, we will reap the rewards of not giving up.

The glacier in the picture was one of the rewards we received for staying the course.

The choice is ours. We can follow the excitement of life or we can dawdle around reading the danger signs and never get anywhere. – Cheri Huber

North To Alaska

I am leaving tomorrow to spend a week with some very close friends in the small Alaskan village of Halibut Cove. I have never been to our 49th state and am very excited about seeing and experiencing its rugged wilderness and beauty.

However, as I pull my things together and start packing I notice that there is a part of me who does not want to go. I have just started a 6 month intensive coaching class to rebrand and build my business and there is a fair amount of resistance about leaving right now.

It is an interesting process to watch for I have always been a huge proponent of vacations. I talk to my clients all the time about taking time off and about getting away from the speed and intensity of everyday life. Yet, here I am getting caught up in the story that if I take a week off, things will fall apart, I will get behind in the class, my business will suffer…etc.

When I step back and look at what is going on, I see just how difficult it can be sometimes to let go of our identity as a professional and slip into being just a regular person on vacation. To truly be on vacation means that, for a short period of time, we are no longer the coach, attorney, businessperson or consultant that we are comfortable being. We are just us.

That sounds great, yet so many of us have lost touch with who that person really is. And I think that some people may fear that they won’t be able to find themselves under all the layers of business wrap.

But that is why vacations are so important. Vacations allow us the time and space to reconnect with ourselves, as well as our families. They help us slow down enough to be able to revisit what is important to us and notice how we have gotten off track. Our minds quiet down which allows our creative side to emerge and issues and problems that had previously seemed monumental are mysteriously resolved.

Vacations are very good things. They allow us to refill our emotional buckets, re-energize our bodies and reconnect with our little kid who is so full of energy and fun. Vacations are a necessary pause in our hectic lives and I am going to try my best to take full advantage of my trip to Halibut Cove. I hope you, also, will take the time to take some time off this summer!

Twenty-five years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

Celebrating Independence Day

This weekend we celebrate the Fourth of July, the quintessential summer weekend. Parades, ice cream, and fireworks will be the order of the day as cities, large and small celebrate Independence Day.

In my family, the Fourth of July was the best of all holidays. We would wake up about 7:00 am to the blast of my father’s shotgun announcing the start of the day. We would then spend the day shooting off fire crackers, making ice cream, swimming and playing softball. Later in the afternoon my aunts, uncles and cousins would arrive for a large barbecue. Before we ate, one of my uncles would always read the Declaration of Independence. Then the day would wrap up with a wonderful fireworks display. It was a day tailor-made for kids and anyone who was a kid at heart.

I still love the 4th . It brings out the kid in me and that’s a good feeling. I also have fond memories of my uncle reading the Declaration of Independence which still makes me pause for a moment and remember what this day is truly all about.

It is my hope, as we approach this weekend, that families all over our country are taking the time to have fun and are creating memories that they can carry with them throughout their lives.

How are you going to spend the weekend? Will you march in a parade? Are you going to take your kids to see the local fireworks display or maybe have a family picnic at a park or the beach? This is a special day – make it special for you and your family.

Fun is where it's at. That's why you need to be there. - Unknown

The Choices You Make Do Matter

Every day you are faced with a myriad of choices. Some of them are seemingly small like what you want to eat for lunch; while others are more complicated, like who are you going to hire to replace your assistant. But the amazing thing about choices is that regardless of their apparent size, they all affect your life.

Your life today is the sum of the choices you have made up to this point. You may not think that your lunch menu is all that important in the scheme of things. However, depending on the status of your health, the choice of food you choose will play a minor or major role in your overall well-being. The same can be said for your decisions regarding financial issues, relationships and career moves.

Most of us make many of our choices out of habit. We very rarely stop to think about the consequences. We act out of habit and then wonder why we are gaining weight, or why our job is not really the dream job we thought it was, or how our finances got so out of control. We see the end results of unconscious choices, but we have a difficult time seeing the path that leads to that end result.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You do have control over the choices you make. The tricky part is to make sure you know when you are actually making a choice versus just acting out of habit.

One way to practice bringing awareness to your choice-making process to pick 3 or 4 choices that you make every day. These choices could be around things such as eating, exercising, spending time with your kids, work situations, etc. As each choice arises during the day, ask yourself these two questions:

1. Am I making this choice because it truly feels right to me or because it’s something I think I should do and/or because it’s easy to do?

2. Is this choice going to move my life forward in a direction I want or is it going to keep me where I am?

Becoming more conscious in your choice-making process will help you make better choices for your well-being and will help you move your life closer to how you truly want to be living.

At every moment of our lives, we are choosing between safety and growth. Cheri Huber

Making Time for What's Important to You

Today is Monday, the start of a new week. What are some things that you personally want to accomplish this week and how can you make sure that they get done? It can be so easy to start a new week with a renewed sense of enthusiasm and purpose only to let the days slip by until the week is over and you find that you haven’t done really anything you wanted.

Here's one way you can have a more gratifying and fulfilling week. Make a list of the 5 most important things you want to get done. The key here is that you get to define what is meant by important. Important could be a project at work or important could be your child’s soccer or baseball game. Important could be a picnic with your significant other or it could be volunteering at upcoming street fair in your neighborhood. Important in this exercise means something that excites you and gives you energy.

Once you have created your list and marked off the required times on your calendar, put one copy of your list on your refrigerator, one somewhere near your desk and put the last copy on the mirror in your bathroom. This way, the list is the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see at night. It is a gentle reminder that these are the projects and events you prioritized as important to complete.

As the week goes by, observe how you are doing. Are you on course or are other responsibilities and unexpected events getting in your way? If you are on course, give yourself pat on the back. You have chosen things that obviously are important to you and you have made a commitment to make sure you complete them.

If you have fallen off course, chances are you didn’t choose things that really jazzed you. The items you chose may be important in the greater scheme of life, but they don’t hold enough energy for you to truly care about doing them. And it is very hard to succeed at things we don’t have fun doing.

If that happens, don’t beat yourself up. Start again next Monday and give yourself permission to choose things that are truly important to you. You know what you care about. This is your life. Don’t let the pressures of the outside world steer you off course.

Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness. Shakti Gawain

What Made You Smile Today?

What is something good that happened to you today? What made you smile? Do you have to stop and think a little before answering that question? If it takes you some time to come up with something good to report, you are not alone. For most of us it is much easier to complain about the person who cut in front of us in the coffee line than it is to recognize all the wonderful things we experience everyday.

We are fast to judge and slow to enjoy. When life is flowing smoothly we often don’t notice it. It is only when we hit a bump or run up against an obstacle that we become conscious of where we are and what we are doing. And at that point our focus is only on what is wrong in that moment.

What would happen if we were more conscious in our life? What if we paid as much attention to the beautiful and fun things as we do to the little annoyances? What if our conversations focused on the colors of the sunset, the flowers in the garden, the smile on the face of the store clerk or the amazing achievements of our children? Wouldn’t that create a very different and positive kind of energy both in us and in the world?

I invite you to join me for a week of staying conscious and noticing the wonder in the world. There is so much joy and beauty out there just waiting to be noticed. Sometimes it’s small, like a smile from a stranger or someone opening a door for you and sometimes it’s bigger like your child’s piano recital or finishing your first 10K race.

Be aware of your surroundings and notice what you observe. When you find yourself feeling good or when you find a smile on your face, take a moment and enjoy it. These are the times that truly matter in life; and when we take the time to appreciate them, we all smile a whole lot more – and that's an energy that could change the world.

Most of the shadows in this life are caused by our standing in our own shadow. Ralph Waldo Emerson

What Unnecessary Baggage Are You Carrying?

Two Zen monks, Tanzan and Ekido, traveling on pilgrimage, came to a muddy river crossing. There they saw a lovely young woman dressed in her kimono and finery, obviously not knowing how to cross the river without ruining her clothes. Without further ado, Tanzan graciously picked her up, held her close to him, and carried her across the muddy river, placing her onto the dry ground. Then he and Ekido continued on their way.

Hours later they found themselves at a lodging temple. And here Ekido could no longer restrain himself and gushed forth his complaints: “Surely, it is against the rules what you did back there…. Touching a woman is simply not allowed…. How could you have done that? … And to have such close contact with her! … This is a violation of all monastic protocol…” Thus he went on with his verbiage. Tanzan listened patiently to the accusations. Finally, during a pause, he said, “Look, I set that girl down back at the crossing. Are you still carrying her?”
(Based on an autobiographical story by Japanese master Tanzan, 1819-1892)

Are there things that you are hanging onto that are holding you back from doing what you really want to do in your life?

We don't see things the way they are, we see things the way we are. The Talmud

Procrastination or Perfection: Two Sides of the Same Coin

When it comes to completing tasks, people often fall into one of two camps: Camp Procrastination or Camp Perfection. If you are a member of Camp Procrastination, then your modus operandi is to sabotage your progress by finding ways to distract yourself from starting whatever it is you have to do. Common methods of distraction are reading your e-mail, returning phone calls, Tweeting, updating Facebook or keeping yourself busy by doing less important tasks. Whatever the distractions may be, they all serve their same purpose which is to keep you from doing the project.

On the other hand, if you are a member of Camp Perfection you approach the issue from a different angle but with somewhat the same results. Being a perfectionist you most likely jump right into the project and give it your all; but the problem is that you are not sure when “your all” is good enough. You keep working and revising the project because you are striving for perfection. You tweak it here and edit it there. You keep finding ways to improve it, often times spending way more time on the task than is actually needed.

Which camp do you fall into? Do you have trouble getting started or do you have trouble completing a task to your satisfaction? Begin to notice what you do to sabotage your success. Becoming aware of our patterns of behavior is the best way to start dismantling the ones that no longer work for us.

The last time you failed, did you stop trying because you failed – or did you fail because you stopped trying? Unknown

The Weight of a Snowflake

“Tell me the weight of a snowflake,” a coal-mouse asked a wild dove.

“Nothing more than nothing,” was the answer.

“In that case I must tell you a marvelous story,” the coal mouse said. “I sat on a branch of a fir tree, close to its trunk, when it began to snow, not heavily, not in a giant blizzard, no, just like in a dream, without any violence. Since I didn’t have anything better to do, I counted the snowflakes settling on the twigs and needles of my branch. Their number was exactly 3,741,952. When the next snowflake dropped onto the branch – nothing more than nothing, as you say – the branch broke off.”

Having said that, the coal-mouse flew away. The dove, since Noah’s time an authority on change, thought about the story for a while and finally said to herself: “Perhaps there is only one person’s voice lacking for peace to come about in the world”

(By Kurt Kauer, excerpted from The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace by Jack Kornfield)

For one human being to love another:
That is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks,
the ultimate test and proof,
the work for which all other work is but preparation.
Rainer Maria Rilke

Motion vs. Progress

Has this ever happened to you? You spend time working at your desk. You think you are accomplishing a great deal, but then at the end of the day or work period, you find that you haven’t really achieved as much as you had hoped for. You’re a little confused because it seemed like you were busy. This happens to us all and is a great example of the difference between motion and progress. Motion is being busy while progress is being productive.

If you struggle with using your time and energy effectively, here are 5 easy steps you can take that will help you keep focused and on track.

1. Before starting your work, make sure you have a clear plan of action. What do you want to get done in the allotted time and what is the priority of the tasks? Schedule in time to check your e-mail/voice mail so that you are not distracted by that during your work time. Clear away any unnecessary paper and clutter from your work space.

2. Estimate how much time you think each task should take and then set a timer. When the timer goes off, notice how much you have accomplished. Are you on schedule? If not notice where you are getting distracted.

3. Allow yourself a 5 minute break between projects to clear your mind and relax your body. Go outside if possible. Maybe walk around the block. Clear your mind so that you can truly focus your energies on the next task.

4. Make sure you take time to eat meals and/or snacks. When you energy wanes your attention will wander and your efficiency will decrease.

5. At the end of the work period take some time to evaluate how things have gone. Give yourself a pat on the back for the things you have accomplished and look objectively and without judgment at where you got sidetracked. What steps can you take to help eliminate that issue?

And remember, being busy does not always translate into being productive!

Much of the stress that people feel doesn't come from having too much to do. It comes from not finishing what they have started. David Allen

The Discomfort of Being a Beginner

When I was a little kid I had the courage and determination to tackle anything. There wasn’t anything I didn’t think I could do. I never worried about failing. I just kept working at whatever it was I wanted to learn until I mastered it.

I often wonder what happens to that courage and tenacity as we grow older. I don’t know about you; but as an adult I really don’t like being in that space where I don’t know how to do something. I don’t like feeling like a beginner, not knowing the next step and worrying about making a mistake or not succeeding. Where did that super-hero kid of mine go who has no fear?

I have been thinking a lot about this issue recently as I am taking a class in Social Media Marketing. The class is amazing and I am learning a ton. But I am a Baby Boomer and social media marketing is a little outside my comfort zone, both in terms of information and technology. So I have to push myself to stay engaged and not to let the voices of doubt and fear tell me I am too old to learn this.

Fear and discomfort are powerful emotions that often times mask themselves in logical statements like, “You are doing just fine without this class. Why do you want to take all this extra time and energy to learn about Facebook and Twitter?” Or, “Do you really think that learning this is going to make any real difference in your life?”

For me, how much I learn or don’t learn in this class is not really the important thing. The larger issue is that I that I don't let my fear of being a beginner hold me back from participating in an exciting new adventure.

Is the fear of being a beginner holding you back from something new you want to learn?


To live a creative life, we must lose the fear of being wrong.
Joseph Chilton Pearce

Stepping into Your Courage

One of the most common statements I hear is, “I really want to do X, but I just don’t feel like I have the ability, time, resources or the right to spend time doing it." To me, the words, ability, time, right and resources are just code words for fear. When we want to do something that’s a little scary or out of the ordinary we come up with all sorts of excuses to mask our fear. Fear can stem from trying something new, from the possibility of disappointing someone, from taking too much time for ourselves or from the realization that we may not be successful. We talk ourselves out of doing what we want because we aren’t sure how to deal with the fear.

Courage is the antidote to fear. I am not talking about heroic, pull someone from a burning building kind of courage. I am talking about a more quiet kind of courage. I believe that everyone has all the courage they need residing inside them. The trick is to know how connect with that courage, to become aware of where it lives in you and how to tap into its strength. Courage doesn’t make the fear go away, but it does allow us to move forward with our life and do the things that are important to us.

Is there something you want to do, but find yourself having trouble taking that first step? If so, here is an exercise you can try to help connect and build your courage. These are relatively simple tasks, but I think at least some of them will elicit some fear.

1. Take a new route to work.
2. Listen to a different kind of music.
3. Wear something that is completely counter to your normal dress style.
4. Talk to a stranger on the street or bus.
5. Volunteer at work or in your community to take on a task you've never done before.

As you do this exercise pay attention to what kicks up for you.
1. What are the voices telling you? (This is dumb, I don’t have time, This is too easy, etc)
2. What is happening inside you both physically/psychologically? (Do you feel fear?)
3. Did you complete the task?
4. If so, how did you feel?
5. If not, what got in your way?

Each time we step out and do something that pushes our comfort level, we become more confident in ourselves. Our courage grows and we are not as handcuffed by fear. We see how fear works and once that happens, fear loses a lot of it power. When that happens, we get our life back.


You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

Make Someone's Day

In 1982, according to popular legend, writer and peace activist Anne Herbert wrote the suggestion to, “practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty” on a place mat in a Sausalito, California restaurant. To honor this 27th anniversary of Herbert’s idea, I invite you to engage in one act of random kindness today.

Giving without expecting anything in return has many rewards. Physically, doing acts of kindness increases our levels of serotonin, a chemical which makes us feel light, happy and at ease. Acts of kindness also strengthen our immune system, increase our energy level and enhance our sense of connection. In other words, when we do something nice for someone else, it is scientifically proven that we feel better. But the really cool thing about practicing acts of kindness is that not only do we feel good, the recipient also feels good, and so does anyone who is witnessing the act.

So, do something kind today. Pay for a person’s order behind you. Open the door for someone and say hi as they go through. Leave a larger tip for the wait staff. Help someone carry groceries to their car. There are thousands of things we can do to bring joy and a smile to a stranger. What would make you smile?

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.
Dalai Lama