A Brand New Notebook

It’s “back to school” time which means the end of summer, but it also means the beginning of a brand new year. Remember what it used to be like getting ready for school? You’d go out and buy new clothes and then spend hours deciding what outfit to wear on that first day. You would worry about what teacher you would get, and whether or not you and your best friend would have the same classes.

You also would start the year out with brand new notebook filled with clean white notebook paper just waiting to be filled up with new facts and ideas and secret notes from your friends. Your pencils were sharpened and your colored pens were ready to draw. The upcoming year was full of potential and you could hardly wait to see how it unfolded.

Unfortunately, as we grow older much of that enthusiasm and anticipation of a new beginning starts to fade. Although fall still represents a new year for many of us, we no longer get the chance to go through the ritual of “getting ready for school”. We may buy new clothes for fall, but we don’t think about buying a new notebook.

We are content to carry around our old worn-out binder; even though the pages are pretty much filled up, and there really is no space left for any new ideas or experiences. As adults, our lives get much busier and it becomes more and more difficult for us to carve out time for new learning. As a result, many of us find ourselves feeling less excited and less focused in our lives. We begin to lose our sense of purpose and direction.

So, this year I invite you to buy a new notebook and begin to dream again. Once you have purchased your notebook, take some time before writing in it to sit with its clean pages and remember what it was like to be young and to be filled with a continuous stream of ideas and dreams. Now staying in your youthful mindset, think of a dream or goal you would like to achieve during this next school year.

This should not be a “to do” kind of goal. This needs to be something that engenders great passion and excitement when you think about it. It should make you smile, or your heart beat faster, or even your palms sweat a little because it is coming from the part of you that is open and courageous. There are no “should’s” attached to this goal. This is something that makes you feel young and energized, and something that will stretch your abilities and learning curve.

Write your goal down in your journal. Notice how it feels to see it in writing. Think about what it will feel like to achieve this goal. Write about being successful. Draw pictures of your success. Develop an action plan including a list of people and structures that will support you along the way. Allow yourself to ask for help.

When negative thoughts or self doubts start to emerge, go back and look of your drawings of success. Laugh and enjoy the journey. When you reach your goal, celebrate your achievement and honor all that you have learned from the experience. Then retire your notebook to a special place on your bookshelf, and begin again with a new book, its clean pages just waiting for your next dream.

A mind that is stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions. Oliver Wendell Holmes

Your Life, Your Decisions

The decisions we make create the life we live; yet when we make decisions, we often default to what we see as the wants and needs of other people. We do not want the choice we make to disappoint or hurt someone we care about.

What if you want something that your friends or family believe is not in your best interest? Let’s say you’re in a relationship that is no longer working, but your family loves your partner and can’t understand why you want to get a divorce. Or what if you have the opportunity to join a group of people starting a new, exciting business, but your friends think you’re nuts to leave your corporate job?

It can be extremely difficult to make a decision which goes against the beliefs and wants of people in your life. However, in the end, you need to know that your life is yours alone to live. You are the only one who truly knows what feels right to you, what amount of risk you are comfortable taking, and what kinds of ideas and adventures spark the passion and excitement you are looking for.

Your responsibility is not to live your life to please other people, for pleasing everyone is impossible. Your responsibility is to live your life in such a way as to bring you the success, joy and fulfillment you need to be a compassionate, caring and contributing human being.

One of the ways to make sure that happens is to focus on making decisions that fit for you. This doesn’t mean you can’t get input from your friends and family; but it does mean developing the ability to sort out their agendas from your own needs and wants. You are the one who will live the consequences of your actions, so you need to be the one in control of the decisions you make. Once again, it’s about not giving away your power. You want to succeed or stumble on your own merits and not because you are trying to please someone else or meet someone else’s needs.

All decisions of consequence involve risk. Without taking risks, we cannot grow and learn. Without taking risks our life grows stagnant and withers. And the irony of all this is that not taking risks is no more secure than taking risks, for our life circumstances can change in an instant without any action on our part. We can get sick, we can be in an accident, or we can become a victim of downsizing and lose our job. There are no guarantees in this life; therefore, what do we really gain by playing it safe?

To be truly successful, happy, and fulfilled in this life takes a lot of work and a lot of courage. Every day we are faced with situations which force us to choose between stepping out and living our lives boldly or playing it safe by withdrawing from life and living our lives in perceived safety. The choice is ours with every decision we make. Which path do you want to take?

Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

EarthStewards

I just came across a wonderful web site that I wanted to share with you. I am always looking for groups and organizations that are working to make this world a better place by empowering individuals and challenging each of us to step out and do something that will benefit both us and the world. EarthStewards seems to do exactly that.

As their mission states:
EarthStewards is a worldwide multicultural network dedicated to inspiring and empowering ordinary people to stretch, grow and learn. We take bold action for conflict transformation and the creation of positive relationships bridging boundaries of gender, race, culture, nations, age and beliefs.

I encourage you to check out them out and while you’re there, print out the “Say YES pledge. (See below.) It’s a great reminder of the power of saying YES in our lives and how that power can ripple out and touch so many lives.

Say YES

I say YES to my life.
I say YES to love.
I say YES to a one-world family.
I say YES to a planet at peace.
I say YES to all the children everywhere.
I say YES to us.
I want my next act to increase the YES in the world.

EarthStewards

One must care about a world one will never see. – Bertrand Russell

Making Different Choices

There is an old saying that goes: “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you will keep getting what you’ve always gotten.” So, if your life is going really well and you are happy with the results you are achieving, then you are on the right track for continued success and happiness.

However, if your life isn’t exactly the way you would like it, if there are parts of your personal or professional life that could stand some change, a little improvement or a total makeover, then it’s time to look at the choices you are making. Each choice we make, whether it is large or small, determines the path of our lives; yet most of us go through our day making choices out of habit or without thinking, and then wonder why our lives are still stuck in the same old rut. We don’t see the connection between our choices, our actions and the end result which is our life.

I have just finished reading the book, “The Right Questions – Ten Essential Questions to Guide You to an Extraordinary Life” written by Debbie Ford, and I highly recommend it. Ford’s premise is a simple one: If we want to create the life we truly desire then we need to make new choices: choices that will lead us to, not away from, our desired outcome.

Ford creates a simple road map to help us determine whether or not the choices we are making are moving us forward toward their goals. The roadmap consists of 10 questions that are designed to reveal what is actually motivating our actions. When our actions are motivated by our best interests, they will move us forward; but our actions come from a place of fear, doubt or guilt they will keep our lives stuck.

Here are some of the questions:
1. Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?
2. Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
3. Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?
4. Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?

I have Ford's ten questions posted on the bulletin board above my desk so that I am constantly reminded as I go through my day to make choices that will empower me and help me grow. It’s so easy to make decisions out of habit or fear, but when we do that we are keeping ourselves small and robbing ourselves of so much opportunity. We are not on this earth to live small and ineffectual lives. We are here to live bold, courageous and brilliant lives and these questions can help make that happen.

"If one asks for success and prepares for failure, he will get the situation he has prepared for." Florence Scovel Shinn

Building Your Courage to Overcome Fear

Recently I was talking with a client about the concept of courage. She was pretty adamant that she didn't possess much courage because there were so many times during the course of her week that she found herself feeling incompetent or incapable of successfully completing her projects and tasks at work.

Now I have worked with this woman for a while and I know she is an incredibly talented women and very successful in her business. She is constantly pushing herself to develop new ideas and try new things. So, I found it very surprising that she did not see herself as being courageous.

As we talked further I realized a couple of things. First, it can be difficult to see yourself as being courageous; for we mostly do what it is we have to do and then move on to the next project without taking time to fully appreciate what we have accomplishedand the courage it took to get us there.

And secondly, most of us think of courage in terms of what I call "heroic courage", the kind of courage exhibited by fireman rescuing people from burning buildings or people in the military fighting wars. We don't think about the other kind of courage, the "quiet courage' that lives inside each of us - the courage we can always call upon when we get stuck or blindsided by fear.

Courage isn't a mystical force that only belongs to a special few. Courage is defined as the ability to keep moving forward in spite of all the fears and doubts that might arise along the way. Courage comes from the rational and intellectual part of your brain and it has the ability dismantle the stories and beliefs that your emotional part of the brain has created to keep you stuck. Courage gives you the power to break down your fears and doubts one step at a time; and with every fragment of fear you break down, your courage increases.

However, many of us have lost touch with this amazing power. We have listened so long to the voices telling us that we are not smart enough, good enough or deserving enough to achieve what we want, that we have integrated these stories as the truth. So, when we step out of our comfort zone and try something new, we interpret the fear we feel as proof that we can't do it, that we can't reach our goals. We start to feel overwhelmed and retreat to the safety of our comfort zone feeling incompetent and dejected.

But you don't have to take that road. There is a way to face the fear inherent in any change, and still keep moving forward. The key lies in being able to tap into the quiet courage that resides deep inside of you and use its power to overcome our fear and successfully achieve your goal.

Reconnecting and strengthening your courage takes time, especially when you are used to reacting to the voices of fear instead proactively enlisting the power of your courage. And, just as you do when you build up your muscles, you need to start slowly and be consistent in your training. The following exercise is a great starting point.

EXERCISE: Building Your Courage

Step One
Think of something that you want to do but haven't because of fear/doubt. You might want to start with something small.

Step Two
Write down all the fears/doubts that come up when you think about tackling this project. Be specific.

Step Three
Now prioritize your list of fears from the least scary to the most scary and starting with the #1 - the least scary - ask yourself: By itself, is this fear still a fear? If not, you can move on to the next. If it is still
a fear, then ask yourself:

1. What am I afraid of? Be as specific as you can.

2. What do I need to do to overcome this fear? Options could be: Information, resources, talking with a friend or just jumping in and doing it. As you work through this step, notice the sensations in your body and remind yourself that they are just sensations and by themselves they have no meaning.

Also, notice what the voices are telling you. If you start to lose your confidence, take a moment to sit quietly and get back in touch with the rational and courageous part ofyou. Ask for support. Work with a friend, coach or counselor. Write yourself little pep notes - do whatever it takes to stay centered in your courage as you work through this fear.

3. Continue through your list, viewing each of these fears from the rational part of your brain. Remember the courageous part of you knows you are perfectly capable of making this happen and will give you the support and strength to make it happen. As you work through your list notice how much easier it becomes to draw upon your courage and how less often you will get tripped up by the stories of your fear.

There will be bumps in the road. There will be days that you might falter, when things seem a little too hard, when you think you won't be successful. Don't let these minor set backs change your course of action. You have what it takes to be successful in achieving your goals and once you realize it, fear will have very little power over you.

What is courage but having faith instead of fear? Michael J. Fox

How To Feel Settled in an Unsettled World

One of the main themes among my clients these days is the sense of unsettledness. Some of them have lost their jobs and are in the process of finding a new career path. Some have been thinking about retiring; however with the current economic situation they are now rethinking and redesigning their timeline. Others have no immediate crisis, but have absorbed much of the fear and uncertainty that is so pervasive.

There is no doubt that these are unsettling times. Every time we turn on the TV, pick up a newspaper or look on the Internet we are bombarded with some sort of bad news. People are fearful and that fear is contagious. It’s similar to a flu epidemic; if you come into contact with a fearful and panicky person, it’s hard not to catch their hysteria. So, what’s fueling all these feelings of uneasiness?

When life throws us a curve, our illusion of being in control is challenged. As long as things are going along the way we want them to, we believe that we are in control and that is why things are so good. But when our life hits an unexpected snag, we think we’ve lost that control and that scares us. We do not like feeling out of control; and therefore, it is easy to spiral into panic mode.

In reality, control is just an illusion. We are never really in control. Life does what life does. Our job is to first understand, that in spite of our best efforts and intentions, bad things will happen. Next we need to become proactive and create a framework or process by which we can lessen the impact that life’s unexpected twists and turns can have on us.

The following questions will provide you a starting place to begin creating this framework.

1. What is the actual issue that is causing you to feel unsettled? Take some time with this question to make sure that you get to the true root of your uneasiness. Is it the actual loss of your job, the anticipation of losing your job, financial worries, concerns about what other people might be thinking, generalized anxiety, etc.?

2. Once you figure out the key issue, make a list of what you need in terms of information, resources, support, etc., to lessen your fear. Do you need to meet with a financial advisor? Do you need to hang out with more positive and upbeat friends? Do you need to work with a professional counselor or coach? Do you need to just turn off the TV and quit reading the newspaper?

3. When you have this list, create a mini-action plan for each item. Who do you need to talk with? What specific information or resources do you need? Where can you get it? Make a specific timeline for each step.

4. Then create a plan of support for yourself. How are you going to take care of yourself during this difficult time? What can you do to relax? Who can you ask to be part of your support team? Be careful in choosing your team. You want people who won’t feed into the hysteria and who are able to understand your needs and provide the kind of support you want.

5. Post your plans in a place where you will see them daily. This is important not only because it will remind you to take action, but also because it will remind you that you don’t have to accept feeling fearful and unsettled - that there are steps you can take to guard against this epidemic of panic. Taking positive action steps is the best antidote to feeling out of control.

You may not have control over what life dishes out, but you do have control over how you choose to react to it. You have the power to decide whether you want to take the passive, helpless approach and get caught up in the hysteria; or whether you want to take a more proactive and courageous approach and create a plan of action that will empower you, keep you moving forward and greatly decrease your feelings of fear and unsettledness. The choice is yours.

To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another. Katherine Paterson

"That Was Easy"

Recently I joined a Master Mind coaching group. I’m in the process of rebranding myself and growing my business and it’s really helpful to have the extra support of successful and motivated coaches, in addition to the wealth of knowledge and resources that we all share. We’re three weeks into the 6 month group and I am amazed at how much I have learned already, especially around how to effectively use social media products such Twitter and Facebook.

But without a doubt the most fun thing I have gotten from the group was the idea of buying an Easy Button. During our initial session the leader made a reference to Easy Buttons. At first I didn’t quite understand why we were discussing Easy Buttons in a group about growing our coaching businesses. To me, Easy Buttons were just things I saw on Staples advertising. I didn’t realize that when you push it, it actually says, “That was easy.”

However, just for the fun of it I went out and bought one and it’s now sitting on my desk. Every time I complete a task that was harder than usual or make a phone call that I had been putting off, I press the button and get the message, “That was easy”, which in reality is very true.

Just having the button on my desk is a great reminder that I am the one who is making up the stories about how hard, painful or unpleasant a task is going to be; while the truth is it’s just another thing that needs to get done. When I push the button and hear this rather upbeat voice telling me “That was easy” it makes me smile and gives me the courage and motivation to keep trucking on and complete the day’s tasks.

I highly recommend getting an Easy Button for your desk, especially if you are someone who avoids doing tasks or carries the same “to-do” item from list to list. Sure it’s a gimmick, but it’s a good gimmick and what's wrong with a little gimmick if it helps us be successful?


“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” Vincent Van Gogh