The Fear of Aging

Happy New Year! I hope that 2010 is a great year for you. This year is a special year because it’s the beginning of a new decade; and for all of us born in a year ending in 0, this year will be a celebration of milestone birthdays. I, for one, will be joining the 4 million other Baby Boomers who will be turning 60 this year – something I still haven’t quite wrapped my mind around.

However, the prospect of turning 60 has given me a lot of food for thought. I have definitely crossed over to the older side of the age continuum, but what does that really mean? For my parent’s generation, it meant to go quietly into the night. But as we can all see from billions of dollars being spent each year on anti-aging and rejuvenating products, Baby Boomers will have no part of going quietly into the night. We are the generation who is putting a whole new face to the aging process. It might be the face of Botox and facelifts; but we look good, and isn’t that what it’s all about?

Seriously though, what is it about aging that is so scary? Is it really the wrinkles on our face, the joints that don’t work as smoothly as they once did or the muscles that have lost their tone? Or is it something deeper, like the fear of dying or the emptiness of having lived an unfulfilled life?

I certainly do not have the answers but I do have some thoughts. First, I think we need to get rid of the term, “anti-aging”. The only way we are not going to age is if we are dead. Although we may be able to slow the aging process down by taking good care of our bodies and minds, we cannot stop it. We begin to die the day we are born and no anti-aging cream is going to change that.

So, if we can accept that fact, then the question becomes: How do I want to age? Where do I want to focus my attention during the second act of my life? Do I want to continue to buy into the stories of what I should be or what I should look like? Do I want to give in to the myths of what it means to grow old and let go of all those dreams I once had because someone says I am too old to achieve them? Or do I want this to be the time in my life when I step out and take control of my direction and reach for all those dreams and ideas that have been patiently waiting for me?

For me, aging has its benefits. After following the rules for most of my life, I no longer worry very much about what the rules say I should or need to do; but rather I am choosing to follow my heart and do what feels right for me to do. I don’t want to go quietly into the night – not because I am afraid of dying, but because I have so much I want to do. I see this time as my time; and I don’t want to waste it worrying about the increasing number wrinkles on my face or the sagging muscles on the underside of my arms.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments when I look at myself in the mirror and wonder what in the heck happened. I do, and more often than I want to admit. But I also have this new kind of energy that makes me feel I can do all sorts of things that I was too afraid to do earlier in my life; and that is where I am trying to focus my attention. It’s an exciting and inspiring time and it gives me hope that I will be able to age the way I have always wanted to – with grace, vitality and lots of humor.

We all get to choose how we age – at least how we age inside our minds. Many will choose to stay on the main road of anti-aging for it’s easy and there is lots of company there. And then there are other people who, for whatever reason, will venture off the main road and blaze their own trail toward their dreams.

Which path will you take?

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. George Bernard Shaw