Stuff Happens

A few days ago I took my computer in to get some extra memory put in it. It had been really slow and I was told that putting some more memory in it would speed it up. When I picked the computer up, the service person told me that he had found some viruses on it; but he had cleaned it all up and it should be in great shape. I thanked him and was excited to get home and see just how much difference the extra RAM made.

The first time I turned the computer on everything was fine except for the fact that Outlook was downloading several versions of my e-mails. Not wanting to panic, I rebooted the computer which seemed to solve the problem. However the next day when I turned the computer on, I was greeted by the Ebola of computer viruses. There were virus alerts popping up all over my screen. I couldn’t get into any programs and the little red shield in the tool bar at the bottom was multiplying like rabbits. Within 2 minutes I must have had 50 of them along the bottom of my screen.

My initial reaction was pure panic, as I was certain that my computer was going to crash at any minute. But as I watched these different screens come and go, my panic turned to anger. First, I was mad at the service person for I was sure he was either totally incompetent or he had done planted something so that I would have to bring my computer back to him. After I exhausted my anger towards him, I then turned it toward myself and starting blaming myself for taking it to the wrong person.

I finally calmed down, turned the computer off and try to figure out what to do. Of course, this was on a weekend and we were at our cabin on the other side of the mountains, so the question became: Could I get this fixed before we had to leave. I decided the best approach was to call and leave a message for Jeff even though it was the weekend. And the good news is that he called me back right away and fixed my computer for no charge - and it has worked perfectly ever since.

But the really interesting part of all this for me was to watch my reaction and to see how I needed to find someone or something to blame. As I thought about this experience, I realized the less I feel in control, the greater my emotional reaction. And since I don’t know anything about computers, to have mine go completely berserk was a real trigger for me. I felt powerless and incompetent – not two of my favorite emotions.

This experience also clearly pointed out how easy it was to spend a lot of time and negative energy on something that, in the scheme of things, is not that important. And even if it were important, getting mad, finding blame and flying off the handle aren’t really the most effective ways to solve the problem.

Life throws stuff at us all the time. Sometimes it really is big, but most of the time, it’s just minor inconveniences – and it’s learning how to deal with these small, albeit irritating, events that helps us more effectively manage the bigger stuff in our life. We just need to remember that, no matter what the situation, we always have the power to decide how we want to react to it.

If we react with impatience and anger, chances are we are not going to experience the kind of results we want. However, if we can focus on the actual problem and look for practical solutions, chances are much greater that we will have a positive outcome. The choice is ours.

With every experience, you alone are painting your own canvas, thought by thought, choice by choice. Oprah Winfrey

The Fear of Aging

Happy New Year! I hope that 2010 is a great year for you. This year is a special year because it’s the beginning of a new decade; and for all of us born in a year ending in 0, this year will be a celebration of milestone birthdays. I, for one, will be joining the 4 million other Baby Boomers who will be turning 60 this year – something I still haven’t quite wrapped my mind around.

However, the prospect of turning 60 has given me a lot of food for thought. I have definitely crossed over to the older side of the age continuum, but what does that really mean? For my parent’s generation, it meant to go quietly into the night. But as we can all see from billions of dollars being spent each year on anti-aging and rejuvenating products, Baby Boomers will have no part of going quietly into the night. We are the generation who is putting a whole new face to the aging process. It might be the face of Botox and facelifts; but we look good, and isn’t that what it’s all about?

Seriously though, what is it about aging that is so scary? Is it really the wrinkles on our face, the joints that don’t work as smoothly as they once did or the muscles that have lost their tone? Or is it something deeper, like the fear of dying or the emptiness of having lived an unfulfilled life?

I certainly do not have the answers but I do have some thoughts. First, I think we need to get rid of the term, “anti-aging”. The only way we are not going to age is if we are dead. Although we may be able to slow the aging process down by taking good care of our bodies and minds, we cannot stop it. We begin to die the day we are born and no anti-aging cream is going to change that.

So, if we can accept that fact, then the question becomes: How do I want to age? Where do I want to focus my attention during the second act of my life? Do I want to continue to buy into the stories of what I should be or what I should look like? Do I want to give in to the myths of what it means to grow old and let go of all those dreams I once had because someone says I am too old to achieve them? Or do I want this to be the time in my life when I step out and take control of my direction and reach for all those dreams and ideas that have been patiently waiting for me?

For me, aging has its benefits. After following the rules for most of my life, I no longer worry very much about what the rules say I should or need to do; but rather I am choosing to follow my heart and do what feels right for me to do. I don’t want to go quietly into the night – not because I am afraid of dying, but because I have so much I want to do. I see this time as my time; and I don’t want to waste it worrying about the increasing number wrinkles on my face or the sagging muscles on the underside of my arms.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments when I look at myself in the mirror and wonder what in the heck happened. I do, and more often than I want to admit. But I also have this new kind of energy that makes me feel I can do all sorts of things that I was too afraid to do earlier in my life; and that is where I am trying to focus my attention. It’s an exciting and inspiring time and it gives me hope that I will be able to age the way I have always wanted to – with grace, vitality and lots of humor.

We all get to choose how we age – at least how we age inside our minds. Many will choose to stay on the main road of anti-aging for it’s easy and there is lots of company there. And then there are other people who, for whatever reason, will venture off the main road and blaze their own trail toward their dreams.

Which path will you take?

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. George Bernard Shaw

The Fear and Fun of Learning Something New

Have you ever noticed that as we grow older we are less apt to try new things? Being a beginner at something seems scarier now than it did when we were kids. As adults, we focus most of our energy on developing our strengths so that we can be successful and accomplished, yet somewhere in that journey we lose the spontaneity and imagination that used to make our world so exciting. We begin to define ourselves in terms of the things we can’t or don’t do – I’m too old to jog, I am not a good speaker, I don’t like sailing, etc. instead of looking at all the possibilities open to us.

Recently, my partner and I decided that we should try our hand at skate-skiing. Being a retired downhill skier, the speed of the sport has always appealed to me. I would watch the skaters fly by us as we were trucking along in the tracks on our touring skis and think about how much fun it would be to go that fast. We decided to give it a try.

But before we could actually get out on the skis, we found ourselves having numerous discussions regarding our age, our physical stamina, our skiing ability, whether we should take lessons, the cost, where would be the best place to go, etc. It was very obvious that, at some level, we were trying to argue ourselves out of trying this new thing. After all, we always had a good time classic skiing; so why would we need to try skate-skiing, especially at this stage in our lives?

But luckily, the “kid” in each of us prevailed over our logical adult and off we went. We took a brief lesson to get some of the basics; but our goal for the day was not to conquer the sport - it was just to have a good time. It took a little while to get over the awkwardness of not really knowing what we were doing; but once we gave up worrying about looking good, things got easier. We were awesome on the downhills, struggled badly on the uphills, and just about broke even on the flats. We laughed, we fell, and we laughed some more. It was one of the best days of skiing we’ve had.

Looking back, we both agree that it wasn’t the skate-skiing that made the day so fun. It was the experience of trying something new, of stretching our comfort zone, and allowing our inner kid to remind us how simple having fun can really be.

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing. - Dale Carnegie