Setting Intentions, Getting Results

How many times have you come away from a meeting or a conversation thinking, “That didn’t go very well”? Maybe you didn’t get your point across as well as you would have liked. Maybe you lost your cool and got off track trying to prove your side of the argument. Or maybe you just zoned out and didn’t participate in the discussion at all.

You can go into an interaction with the highest of hopes; but unless you set specific intentions about how you are going to interact and what specific goals you want to achieve, chances are the outcome will not be all that satisfactory.

What does it mean to set an intention? The first thing to understand about intentions is that they are about you, not the other person. We only have control over ourselves, so our intentions need to be about how we want to act, about what we want to say and about how we want to feel at the end of the interaction.

Here are some sample intentions you might set before going into a meeting with a difficult person:

• I will state my point clearly using “I” statements and not get sidetracked by any emotions that may arise.


• I will listen to the other person carefully to hear what they are truly saying, not what I think they will say.


• When I feel myself losing my focus, I will take 3 deep breaths to calm and re-center me.


• After the meeting I will ask myself what I learned about me from this interaction.

Setting intentions does not guarantee success, but the process of clarifying what you want to get out of the situation greatly improves your changes of a positive interaction. It also empowers you. You are no longer reacting to the situation. You are now proactively responding from a place of confidence.

You are better able to articulate what you want to say because you have let go of your expectations of the other people involved; and you are better at listening and hearing what they have to say because you not spending time planning your next defensive move. You are no longer there to defend yourself. You are now there to be yourself.

Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is. Mary Anne Radmacher

Where is Your Focus?

The Tale of Two Cities

A man was walking down a long and dusty road. He had been travelling for days.
He came across an old women sitting near the side of the road just outside of an upcoming town.
He asked her "What is the city ahead like? Are the people there nice?"

The old women asked "What was it like where you came from?"
He said "It was beautiful and clean and the people were great"
"So shall you find the city ahead." the old woman responded.
Happily the traveler went along.

A while later another lone traveler on the same road approached the same woman and asked her, "What is the city ahead like? Are the people there nice?"
The old women asked "What was it like where you came from?"
"It was despicable, dirty and ugly and the people where horrid!" exclaimed the traveler.
"So shall you find the city ahead." the old woman responded

Author Unknown

Do you ever wonder why 2 people can have such different perspectives about the same situation? What makes one person see all the good and positive, while the other person only seems to be able focus on the negative and the bad? What causes this difference?

Zen teacher, Cheri Huber has a wonderful saying that goes, “The quality of your life is determined by the focus of your attention.

That means if we focus our attention on all the things that are wrong, then that is all we are going to see; and we will come to believe that world as a bad, dangerous and ugly place in which to live. Once we have that belief we will continue to find bad things to validate our story.

On the other hand, if we focus our attention on the good things, the things that are working, our perspective of the world will be entirely different. We will see it as a friendly and beautiful place and we will focus our attention on finding more good and beautiful things to validate our belief.

Where do you want to focus your attention?

Man is what he believes. - Anton Checkov

What If Someday Never Comes?

Is there a project you are going to do, a trip you are going to take, a book you are going to write or a class you are going to take, Someday? When exactly is Someday? It’s not a day that appears on any calendar I know of, so, how are you going to know when Someday is actually here?

It can be very easy to put off the things you want to do until some undetermined time in the future. Maybe you are waiting until you have more time, more money or more energy. Maybe you think there will actually come a time when your life will be less hectic and you will have the time and space to do all those fun things you have been wanting to do. But what happens if that time never comes? What then?

Maybe there is a different way to approach all this. Maybe it’s okay to take a little time for yourself and to do something that inspires you, gives you joy or makes you laugh. Maybe you don’t have to put off your dreams until Someday. Today or tomorrow could be the perfect day to start that new project or to sign up for that new class.

We waste a lot of our life waiting for the right time, when the only time we know we have for sure is this moment. Don’t squander the time you have for a time which may never come. If there is something you want to do, do it. Life is way too short to not live every moment to it's fullest.

Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Goethe

If A Dog Were Your Teacher

I am sitting at my desk with our two dogs sleeping at my feet. As I ponder what my next blog post should be about, I remember a poem I read a while ago that seems very approproate and I would love to share it with you.

If A Dog Were Your Teacher

If a dog were your teacher
These are some of the lessons you might learn...

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face
to be pure ecstasy

When it's in your best interest
practice obedience
Let others know when they've invaded your territory
Take naps and stretch before rising
Run romp and play daily

Thrive on attention and let people touch you
Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do
On warm days stop to lie on your back on the grass
On hot days drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree
When you're happy dance around and wag your entire body

No matter how often you're scolded
don't buy into the guilt thing and pout
run right back and make friends

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm
Stop when you have had enough
Be loyal
Never pretend to be something you're not

If what you want lies buried
dig until you find it
When someone is having a bad day
be silent .....
...sit close by.
...and nuzzle them gently.

Author Unknown

A dog wags its tail with its heart. - Martin Buxham

To-Do Lists: Help or Hindrance?

In a world of high expectations and intense multi-tasking, people are constantly seeking better ways to organize their day so they can get done the tasks they need to do in a somewhat orderly fashion.

To-do lists seem to be the organizational tool of choice. But in working with clients, it has become very clear that to-do lists can be double-edged swords. For some people they can be a life saver, while for others these lists actually end up causing more stress than they relieve.

The purpose of to-do lists is to organize our day and ensure we accomplish the tasks we need or want to get done. This list can be kept on a tablet, post-its, white board, or on a computer. Tasks can be prioritized if the list is long. When a task has been accomplished, we check it off and move on to the next one.

At the beginning of the day, we make list of all the tasks we want to do: and theoretically, by the end of the day, our list has disappeared and we are ready to start the next day with a new list. We feel good and leave work with a clear conscious, thus being able to fully enjoy the rest of our evening.

This is the best-case scenario. However, what is likely to happen is that we don't get all our tasks accomplished. We then find ourselves adding things to our list without removing any so our list gets longer and longer. And as it grows, the probability of us actually accomplishing all the tasks on it dramatically decreases.

We become stressed not only about the number of items still left, but also at the fact that we can't clear the list. We begin to criticize ourselves for not being more efficient or more organized. We begin to expend more energy worrying about the list itself than actually working towards accomplishing the tasks.

So, what happened? How did a simple organizational tool turn into a monster that is controlling our life? I think the answer is that we forget to-do lists are just that – simple organizational tools. They are not silver bullets.

Just because we make a list does not mean that the tasks will automatically be completed. Even if we use one of those very fancy tools offered on the Internet with all the bells and whistles, we still are the ones who have to do the work. It is up to us to need to find a way to
make our list work for our particular needs.

If you are one of the many who is struggling with your to-do list, the following questions will help you reframe and restructure how you work with to-do lists.

1. Where do you keep your to-do list? Is it in a place that is visible, so that you can constantly refer to it, or is it is a drawer, notebook, or computer program that rarely gets utilized?

2. How often do you check it? How often do you edit it and re-prioritize the items? It works best to review your list once a day.

3. How long is it? We can be led to believe that the longer our list, the more important or successful we are because we have all these things to do. Yet, in reality, the longer the list, the more likely it is that very little is being accomplished and we are not achieving what we want.

4. What kinds of tasks do you put on your list? Many times we clutter our list with non-essential items, thus detracting from the more important tasks.

5. Where does your list distract you? It is easy to get caught up in the making, thinking about and organizing of our lists, when we should be spending our time working on the items on the list.

6. Finally, ask yourself if a to-do list the right organizational took for you. After all is said and done, it is important that you feel comfortable working from a list. Not everyone does; and to work with a tool that doesn't fit your personality and work style will only create stress for you. There are certainly other methods of organizing your work. Ask your friends and colleagues what they do and you may find a much more effective approach for you.

Remember: to-do lists are supposed to simplify, not complicate your life!

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday. Napoleon Hill