When I was a little kid I had the courage and determination to tackle anything. There wasn’t anything I didn’t think I could do. I never worried about failing. I just kept working at whatever it was I wanted to learn until I mastered it.
I often wonder what happens to that courage and tenacity as we grow older. I don’t know about you; but as an adult I really don’t like being in that space where I don’t know how to do something. I don’t like feeling like a beginner, not knowing the next step and worrying about making a mistake or not succeeding. Where did that super-hero kid of mine go who has no fear?
I have been thinking a lot about this issue recently as I am taking a class in Social Media Marketing. The class is amazing and I am learning a ton. But I am a Baby Boomer and social media marketing is a little outside my comfort zone, both in terms of information and technology. So I have to push myself to stay engaged and not to let the voices of doubt and fear tell me I am too old to learn this.
Fear and discomfort are powerful emotions that often times mask themselves in logical statements like, “You are doing just fine without this class. Why do you want to take all this extra time and energy to learn about Facebook and Twitter?” Or, “Do you really think that learning this is going to make any real difference in your life?”
For me, how much I learn or don’t learn in this class is not really the important thing. The larger issue is that I that I don't let my fear of being a beginner hold me back from participating in an exciting new adventure.
Is the fear of being a beginner holding you back from something new you want to learn?
To live a creative life, we must lose the fear of being wrong.
Joseph Chilton Pearce
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Stepping into Your Courage
One of the most common statements I hear is, “I really want to do X, but I just don’t feel like I have the ability, time, resources or the right to spend time doing it." To me, the words, ability, time, right and resources are just code words for fear. When we want to do something that’s a little scary or out of the ordinary we come up with all sorts of excuses to mask our fear. Fear can stem from trying something new, from the possibility of disappointing someone, from taking too much time for ourselves or from the realization that we may not be successful. We talk ourselves out of doing what we want because we aren’t sure how to deal with the fear.
Courage is the antidote to fear. I am not talking about heroic, pull someone from a burning building kind of courage. I am talking about a more quiet kind of courage. I believe that everyone has all the courage they need residing inside them. The trick is to know how connect with that courage, to become aware of where it lives in you and how to tap into its strength. Courage doesn’t make the fear go away, but it does allow us to move forward with our life and do the things that are important to us.
Is there something you want to do, but find yourself having trouble taking that first step? If so, here is an exercise you can try to help connect and build your courage. These are relatively simple tasks, but I think at least some of them will elicit some fear.
1. Take a new route to work.
2. Listen to a different kind of music.
3. Wear something that is completely counter to your normal dress style.
4. Talk to a stranger on the street or bus.
5. Volunteer at work or in your community to take on a task you've never done before.
As you do this exercise pay attention to what kicks up for you.
1. What are the voices telling you? (This is dumb, I don’t have time, This is too easy, etc)
2. What is happening inside you both physically/psychologically? (Do you feel fear?)
3. Did you complete the task?
4. If so, how did you feel?
5. If not, what got in your way?
Each time we step out and do something that pushes our comfort level, we become more confident in ourselves. Our courage grows and we are not as handcuffed by fear. We see how fear works and once that happens, fear loses a lot of it power. When that happens, we get our life back.
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
Courage is the antidote to fear. I am not talking about heroic, pull someone from a burning building kind of courage. I am talking about a more quiet kind of courage. I believe that everyone has all the courage they need residing inside them. The trick is to know how connect with that courage, to become aware of where it lives in you and how to tap into its strength. Courage doesn’t make the fear go away, but it does allow us to move forward with our life and do the things that are important to us.
Is there something you want to do, but find yourself having trouble taking that first step? If so, here is an exercise you can try to help connect and build your courage. These are relatively simple tasks, but I think at least some of them will elicit some fear.
1. Take a new route to work.
2. Listen to a different kind of music.
3. Wear something that is completely counter to your normal dress style.
4. Talk to a stranger on the street or bus.
5. Volunteer at work or in your community to take on a task you've never done before.
As you do this exercise pay attention to what kicks up for you.
1. What are the voices telling you? (This is dumb, I don’t have time, This is too easy, etc)
2. What is happening inside you both physically/psychologically? (Do you feel fear?)
3. Did you complete the task?
4. If so, how did you feel?
5. If not, what got in your way?
Each time we step out and do something that pushes our comfort level, we become more confident in ourselves. Our courage grows and we are not as handcuffed by fear. We see how fear works and once that happens, fear loses a lot of it power. When that happens, we get our life back.
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Make Someone's Day
In 1982, according to popular legend, writer and peace activist Anne Herbert wrote the suggestion to, “practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty” on a place mat in a Sausalito, California restaurant. To honor this 27th anniversary of Herbert’s idea, I invite you to engage in one act of random kindness today.
Giving without expecting anything in return has many rewards. Physically, doing acts of kindness increases our levels of serotonin, a chemical which makes us feel light, happy and at ease. Acts of kindness also strengthen our immune system, increase our energy level and enhance our sense of connection. In other words, when we do something nice for someone else, it is scientifically proven that we feel better. But the really cool thing about practicing acts of kindness is that not only do we feel good, the recipient also feels good, and so does anyone who is witnessing the act.
So, do something kind today. Pay for a person’s order behind you. Open the door for someone and say hi as they go through. Leave a larger tip for the wait staff. Help someone carry groceries to their car. There are thousands of things we can do to bring joy and a smile to a stranger. What would make you smile?
My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.
Dalai Lama
Giving without expecting anything in return has many rewards. Physically, doing acts of kindness increases our levels of serotonin, a chemical which makes us feel light, happy and at ease. Acts of kindness also strengthen our immune system, increase our energy level and enhance our sense of connection. In other words, when we do something nice for someone else, it is scientifically proven that we feel better. But the really cool thing about practicing acts of kindness is that not only do we feel good, the recipient also feels good, and so does anyone who is witnessing the act.
So, do something kind today. Pay for a person’s order behind you. Open the door for someone and say hi as they go through. Leave a larger tip for the wait staff. Help someone carry groceries to their car. There are thousands of things we can do to bring joy and a smile to a stranger. What would make you smile?
My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.
Dalai Lama
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Time is Right Now
Do you ever find yourself waiting for the right time to start something? Maybe you need more information. Maybe you are waiting until a friend is free and can join you. Maybe you are waiting until you are in the right mood or until you have more free time. Whatever the reason, let it go and jump right into whatever the project or task is.
Waiting for the perfect circumstances to align themselves is a little like trying to herd cats. You get one in place and then you lose another. For the most part it doesn’t really matter what is going on the outside of you. You are the one who needs to bring the focus, energy, and commitment to taking that first step. Everything else is just a story that we make up to rationalize our procrastination.
What are you waiting for? Today is the perfect day. You have everything you need to be successful inside you. Jump in and get started.
It has been my observation that most people get ahead during the time that others waste. Henry Ford
Waiting for the perfect circumstances to align themselves is a little like trying to herd cats. You get one in place and then you lose another. For the most part it doesn’t really matter what is going on the outside of you. You are the one who needs to bring the focus, energy, and commitment to taking that first step. Everything else is just a story that we make up to rationalize our procrastination.
What are you waiting for? Today is the perfect day. You have everything you need to be successful inside you. Jump in and get started.
It has been my observation that most people get ahead during the time that others waste. Henry Ford
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The Distracter Factor
I just sat down to write a chapter for my new book, Risk It – Take a Chance and Jump into Life, and quickly became aware of just how distracted I was. I checked my e-mail, then went on Twitter, then I made some phone calls. Then, ironically, I decided to make a to-do list of all the things I needed to get done today - and of course, the first item on the list was to write my next chapter, the one thing I was doing my best to avoid.
At that point, I decided to take this opportunity to write a quick blog entry about how easy it is for any of us to get distracted during the day because of what I call the Distracter Factor.
The Distracter Factor comes in all shapes and forms and its only purpose is to do whatever it takes to keep us distracted and diverted from successfully reaching our goals. Some of its more obvious strategies include television, video games, movies, and naps. How many times have you found yourself frittering away your time watching TV, surfing the internet, or just "zzzing" out on the couch? Most of us can recognize when we are using these kinds of activities as an escape or distraction, but the Distracter Factor can also take a more subtle approach.
It can trick us into believing that busy work is actually important work. It can lead us to believe that as long as we are actively doing things, we must be accomplishing something valuable; while at the same time diverting our attention to less meaningful and important tasks such as answering e-mails, browsing the Internet, engaging in long-winded conversations, or running unnecessary errands.
How often have you found yourself at the end of the day wondering where all your time went and why you haven't gotten more done on a specific project? You know you were really busy, but somehow the one goal or task that you really wanted to get done has fallen through the cracks.
But the most toxic ramification of the Distracter Factor is that it can lull us into accepting the fact that we actually don’t have the time or energy to achieve our goals, and that what we have accomplished is fine because we at least gave it a good try. It gives us permission to settle for less, to play small, and to sell ourselves short – all under the guise that we are working hard and doing the best we can.
The good news is that the Distracter Factor only has power when we are not aware of its existence. Once we recognize what is happening and are aware of the strategies it is using to divert our attention, its power disappears because we have the ability to self-correct and get back on course. And now it’s time for me to get back to my chapter!
Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress. Alfred Montapert
At that point, I decided to take this opportunity to write a quick blog entry about how easy it is for any of us to get distracted during the day because of what I call the Distracter Factor.
The Distracter Factor comes in all shapes and forms and its only purpose is to do whatever it takes to keep us distracted and diverted from successfully reaching our goals. Some of its more obvious strategies include television, video games, movies, and naps. How many times have you found yourself frittering away your time watching TV, surfing the internet, or just "zzzing" out on the couch? Most of us can recognize when we are using these kinds of activities as an escape or distraction, but the Distracter Factor can also take a more subtle approach.
It can trick us into believing that busy work is actually important work. It can lead us to believe that as long as we are actively doing things, we must be accomplishing something valuable; while at the same time diverting our attention to less meaningful and important tasks such as answering e-mails, browsing the Internet, engaging in long-winded conversations, or running unnecessary errands.
How often have you found yourself at the end of the day wondering where all your time went and why you haven't gotten more done on a specific project? You know you were really busy, but somehow the one goal or task that you really wanted to get done has fallen through the cracks.
But the most toxic ramification of the Distracter Factor is that it can lull us into accepting the fact that we actually don’t have the time or energy to achieve our goals, and that what we have accomplished is fine because we at least gave it a good try. It gives us permission to settle for less, to play small, and to sell ourselves short – all under the guise that we are working hard and doing the best we can.
The good news is that the Distracter Factor only has power when we are not aware of its existence. Once we recognize what is happening and are aware of the strategies it is using to divert our attention, its power disappears because we have the ability to self-correct and get back on course. And now it’s time for me to get back to my chapter!
Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress. Alfred Montapert
Monday, May 11, 2009
Choosing or Deciding?
When you’re faced with making a decision, do you decide what to do or do you choose what to do? A client and I just had a great discussion about the difference between deciding and choosing.
We came to the conclusion that most of the time when we make a choice, we are making that choice from a very limited number of options - often times it’s just A or B, and sometimes there is a C thrown in for good measure. When we make our choice from a small pool of options, that is making a decision, or deciding. However, if we take the time to look outside the box and access as many options as possible before making our choice, we are then proactively choosing what to do.
This process of expanding our options puts the power back into our hands. We are no longer limited by the obvious and worn out choices in front of us. We can get much more creative in our solution. Although it can be uncomfortable to deal with so many different possibilities, if we take the time to truly sort through them and figure out which one makes the best sense for us in that situation, we will be much happier with the long-term outcome.
The next time you have a decision to make, ask yourself what your true choice would be. It is very likely that answer will not be among the given options of A, B or C. Push yourself to look beyond the obvious and see what happens. There may be a whole new set of possibilities out there just waiting for you!
Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.
Mark Twain
We came to the conclusion that most of the time when we make a choice, we are making that choice from a very limited number of options - often times it’s just A or B, and sometimes there is a C thrown in for good measure. When we make our choice from a small pool of options, that is making a decision, or deciding. However, if we take the time to look outside the box and access as many options as possible before making our choice, we are then proactively choosing what to do.
This process of expanding our options puts the power back into our hands. We are no longer limited by the obvious and worn out choices in front of us. We can get much more creative in our solution. Although it can be uncomfortable to deal with so many different possibilities, if we take the time to truly sort through them and figure out which one makes the best sense for us in that situation, we will be much happier with the long-term outcome.
The next time you have a decision to make, ask yourself what your true choice would be. It is very likely that answer will not be among the given options of A, B or C. Push yourself to look beyond the obvious and see what happens. There may be a whole new set of possibilities out there just waiting for you!
Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.
Mark Twain
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Creating Space for Opportunity
Recently I was talking with a friend who was bemoaning the fact that nothing ever new and exciting happens in her life. Her life is very busy, but not many of the activities in her life elicit much excitement or enthusiasm.
Stepping cautiously into my coaching mode, I asked her to describe and rate, in terms of enthusiasm, the different responsibilities and activities that now occupy most of her time.
She started with work, which she rated a 6 out of 10. She sits on 2 nonprofit boards. She had been part of one board for six years and she rated that experience a 3; and she had just started serving on the second board and gave that an 8. She volunteers one afternoon a week at her child’s school which earned a 7 and she is the co-chair, for the fourth year in a row, for the school fundraiser. She rated that experience a 2. And she worked out at a local gym taking yoga and a spinning class and she gave that activity a 10.
As we broke the activities down, it became very clear which ones were stimulating and which ones were energy-drainers. We talked a little about the energy-drainers and what it was that kept her involved in these activities when they no longer seemed like much fun.
Her answers were the answers we all give. She was afraid of letting people down. She felt needed. She felt it was important to contribute to the community. Who would take over these positions if she were to leave? What would people think if she were to leave?
When we make a commitment to something, it is important to follow through on that commitment; but that does not mean we need to continue to be involved in that activity for the rest of our lives. Board positions have terms. Fund-raisers are annual events. We can say “no thank you” at the end of each term if we are not having fun or no longer feel we are really giving it our best.
Giving up our seats is often a good thing for it allows new people to get involved – people with new ideas and new energy. And it frees up space in our own lives for new and exciting opportunities to present themselves. There is a natural flow to life. Letting go of the old to make room for the new is part of that flow. Is it time to let go of something in your life?
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau
Stepping cautiously into my coaching mode, I asked her to describe and rate, in terms of enthusiasm, the different responsibilities and activities that now occupy most of her time.
She started with work, which she rated a 6 out of 10. She sits on 2 nonprofit boards. She had been part of one board for six years and she rated that experience a 3; and she had just started serving on the second board and gave that an 8. She volunteers one afternoon a week at her child’s school which earned a 7 and she is the co-chair, for the fourth year in a row, for the school fundraiser. She rated that experience a 2. And she worked out at a local gym taking yoga and a spinning class and she gave that activity a 10.
As we broke the activities down, it became very clear which ones were stimulating and which ones were energy-drainers. We talked a little about the energy-drainers and what it was that kept her involved in these activities when they no longer seemed like much fun.
Her answers were the answers we all give. She was afraid of letting people down. She felt needed. She felt it was important to contribute to the community. Who would take over these positions if she were to leave? What would people think if she were to leave?
When we make a commitment to something, it is important to follow through on that commitment; but that does not mean we need to continue to be involved in that activity for the rest of our lives. Board positions have terms. Fund-raisers are annual events. We can say “no thank you” at the end of each term if we are not having fun or no longer feel we are really giving it our best.
Giving up our seats is often a good thing for it allows new people to get involved – people with new ideas and new energy. And it frees up space in our own lives for new and exciting opportunities to present themselves. There is a natural flow to life. Letting go of the old to make room for the new is part of that flow. Is it time to let go of something in your life?
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau
Friday, May 01, 2009
Promise and Deliver
This week has been one of those weeks when things did not go according to plan because people failed to follow through their commitments. I had 2 meetings canceled at the last minute because people got double-booked, a dinner canceled because my friend was too busy and I am still waiting for the edits of my new book, Gentle Warrior, Awakening the Courage to Live a Bold and Brilliant Life, that my publisher promised would be here this week.
Although these situations are somewhat annoying, they are also great examples of the fact that as the velocity of our lives continues to increase we take less and less time to clearly think through our commitments. How often do we actually follow through on the promises we make? How many times do we forget to return phone calls, cancel appointments, or no-show for meetings? How often do we volunteer to do something and then realize that we don’t have the time or interest to follow through?
Our society rewards “busyness”, so it is tempting for us to want to become involved in as many things as possible. One group wants us on their board, our boss wants us to sit on a special task force, and our best friend wants help planning his wife’s 50th birthday. We feel very needed and important, and that feels good. So, instead of taking a couple of minutes to think about what truly makes sense for us to do, we jump right in and say “Yes” to everything, when deep down we know that in some cases “No” would be the better answer.
When we agree to do something we are making a commitment to deliver on a promise. Whether that promise involves attending a meeting or just returning a phone call, we now have other people relying on us. Many times we don’t realize the ripple effect that occurs when we don’t follow through. When we don’t follow through it causes people to change their plans, which then causes the next layer of people to also change their plans, etc. Everything we do connects to other people.
The next time someone asks you to do something, take a moment to think things through before your respond. Don’t promise what you won’t, or can’t, deliver. If you don’t have the interest or time, say, “no, thank you”. Your honesty and clarity will be much appreciated, and you will feel better because you won’t have that responsibility hanging over your head like a dark cloud. When you do say “yes”, make sure that you have the time, energy and passion needed, and then deliver 110%.
While I am busy with little things, I am not required to do greater things.
Francis de Sales
Although these situations are somewhat annoying, they are also great examples of the fact that as the velocity of our lives continues to increase we take less and less time to clearly think through our commitments. How often do we actually follow through on the promises we make? How many times do we forget to return phone calls, cancel appointments, or no-show for meetings? How often do we volunteer to do something and then realize that we don’t have the time or interest to follow through?
Our society rewards “busyness”, so it is tempting for us to want to become involved in as many things as possible. One group wants us on their board, our boss wants us to sit on a special task force, and our best friend wants help planning his wife’s 50th birthday. We feel very needed and important, and that feels good. So, instead of taking a couple of minutes to think about what truly makes sense for us to do, we jump right in and say “Yes” to everything, when deep down we know that in some cases “No” would be the better answer.
When we agree to do something we are making a commitment to deliver on a promise. Whether that promise involves attending a meeting or just returning a phone call, we now have other people relying on us. Many times we don’t realize the ripple effect that occurs when we don’t follow through. When we don’t follow through it causes people to change their plans, which then causes the next layer of people to also change their plans, etc. Everything we do connects to other people.
The next time someone asks you to do something, take a moment to think things through before your respond. Don’t promise what you won’t, or can’t, deliver. If you don’t have the interest or time, say, “no, thank you”. Your honesty and clarity will be much appreciated, and you will feel better because you won’t have that responsibility hanging over your head like a dark cloud. When you do say “yes”, make sure that you have the time, energy and passion needed, and then deliver 110%.
While I am busy with little things, I am not required to do greater things.
Francis de Sales
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