Today has been an emotional day and it has been interesting to watch how the voices in my head have been trying to control the flow of my emotions. I took one of our dogs in this morning for ACL surgery on his knee. It’s a fairly routine surgery and there wasn’t a whole lot to be concerned about. Yet, as I watched Slate disappear behind the doors of the surgery area, I was overwhelmed with sadness. I felt bad that I couldn’t explain what was going to happen to him and why we were putting him through this painful procedure. I felt sad that he went so trustingly with the surgical assistant thinking that he was just going to have a simple exam and then maybe get some treats.
I was embarrassed that I was crying, yet had I seen someone else in the same position crying I would have been touched by their emotion. All I could hear were the voices in my head telling me to buck up. Slate is just a dog and he isn’t worrying about all this so why am I?
The voices that try to control our lives are very cunning. They seem to know which buttons to push to make us feel as powerless and inept as possible. My button is around having to be strong, so the voices berate me for showing emotion. Another person’s button may be about not showing enough emotion, so when they aren't emotional the voices tell them they are being too stoic.
If we buy into what the voices are telling us, it’s a no-win situation. Whatever we do, it will not be the right thing. Our job is to learn how to down the volume on the voices and follow our heart which is what I finally did. I got in to the car and cried all the way home and felt much better. And Slate? He’s doing fine. He has been up for a short walk, has eaten dinner and will be ready to come home tomorrow!
At every moment of our lives, we are choosing between safety and growth. Cheri Huber
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